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I don't know how to deal.

Me & my husband have been together for almost 8 years. We have been married for 7 of them. I am 6mths pregnant and sex is just really uncomfortable for me. He said he understood and that was fine. Well it has only been 2 days since we had sex. He is being such an asshole. And his bad mood always stems back to not having sex. He said that the only way he can be emotionally connected to me is if he is able to be physically connected to me. I am not going to lay there and be in pain just so he can get his jolly's off. That is stupid to me.

I told him that if it is such a big deal then go find someone else to stick his d*ck in. I'm tired of being guilted into sex. I also told him that marriage is not based solely on sex and that two people don't need to f*ck every day to love each other. He does not care. Instead he walks around taking his anger out on me and the kids by yelling at us all the time. I don't know what to do.


Asked by Anonymous at 11:02 AM on Mar. 24, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • The problem doesn't seem to be sex. He's using sex because he's probably scared of real intimacy with you. As far as him being jobless...that's a real problem. Tell him he needs to get a job or get lost so you can get child support enforcement involved. I wouldn't advise that you continue with the attitude that he should go screw someone else because with the way things are going now, he just might and would you be willing to live with him as a family if he made a habit of screwing other people? You said what you said out of anger because 1) he has intimacy problems and you probably feel like sex is a chore and just screwing since he isn't "connecting" with you on a deeper level. Also know that you are pregnant and the way you feel about sex is normal. If you want things to work out, you need to seek family therapy. If not, then let him go.


    Answer by legalmommy101 at 12:31 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • Maybe you could help him out in some way like oral sex or a hand-job. Or maybe you could try some different positions to see if it might help with the discomfort during sex. Lube might help as well. You need to talk to him about it. Telling him to go have sex with someone else is not okay. If he actually did that, you would be pissed so don't even give him a reason. Sexual frustration is a difficult thing to deal with. If you don't want to help him out with it, maybe buy him some porn or something. You can't expect the man to just hold it in.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:05 AM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • I didn't want to have sex when I was preggo either.It felt to me like the baby was watching.I know that is weird but that is how I felt then.I know he looked at porn during that I think he
    'took care of himself.You should stand your ground.It is your body, you control what happens to it.Your husband will get over it.He has to grow up soon if a baby will be here soon.

    Answer by evelynwest at 11:07 AM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • I think being obnoxious die to "lack of sex" isn't really due to lack of sex, but more likely die to stress of having another mouth to feed. Are you being affected by the economy...job loss, hours/salary cuts, increase in cost of living, rent/mortgage payments going up, credit cards?

    Men often blame sex or lack there of instead of the REAL issues--usually money related. Ask him point blank if he is stressed over his job/money, and take it from there.

    Answer by LoriKeet at 11:08 AM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • Well, you need to understand that men really do express their love through sex, and it really IS a way for some men to feel closer to their love. You should WANT to help him out, your his wife, do you really want him having sex with other woman? It probably killed his feelings when you said that, that was kind of rude. You need to go to your gyno & see what is wrong down there, there are plenty of things you can do to help that. I feel sorry for your husband, he needs some lovin & you not willing to help him out. there are other things you can do besides vaginal sex.


    Answer by samurai_chica at 11:09 AM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • I'm on the other side of the boat though, I'm the one who is having trouble getting lovin, I would do anything for my love to want to have sex all the time. I miss that.......

    Answer by samurai_chica at 11:11 AM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • That's the thing..He only wants intercourse! Plus, he "takes care" of himself very often. He said he does it like 3 x a Me telling him to go sleep with another woman would not piss me off cuz at least then he is leaving me alone. I really can't believe some of you are telling me I should pretty much suck it up and be in pain for his benefit. The job loss thing...well, he hasnt worked in over a year and hasn't really been trying to find employment. We argue about that alot. I work, and cook, and clean, and get kids off to school, and go to school part time. All for my family...while he sits around does nothing and wantts to f*ck. I don't feel bad at all..Especially when anything I say involving not doing something that has nothing to do with sex has him responding "well, thats for damn sure. Your not surprising me there".

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:16 AM on Mar. 24, 2009


    Answer by older at 11:49 AM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • There are plenty of ways to have sex without penetration.


    Answer by beeky at 11:51 AM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • Oral? I know thats prally the last thing you want to do right now but maybe it will tame the stressful you guys already have kids? What did you do for the other pregnancies?

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:55 PM on Mar. 24, 2009