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My best friends child told my child that she didn't want to be her friend anymore. I tried to discuss this with my friend but she feels the kids should work it out themselves. I get this if it was a fight but her daughter just decided she no longer wants to be friends and is now refusing to talk to her in school and has turned other kids against her. What do I do?

This mother has been my friend for years. I just helped her through a difficult divorce and have been very kind to her daughter also. If my daughter had done this I would have asked her why and if she did not have a good reason I would have told her that she was being mean and that I was dissappointed in her. Should you allow your 13 year old daughter to "make her own decisions" even if they hurt people?

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:08 PM on Mar. 24, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (14)
  • yes, it may not be fair but if she doesnt want to be friends thats not your choice. You cant force her. I would continue to be friends with the mom, but at that age she IS old enough to decide who she wants to be friends with...even if that hurts your daughter

    Answer by Mikayla_lynn at 12:12 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • You cannot make someone like someone so no, I wouldn't force my kids to be friends with anyone. It's fine if you and your friend stay friends but your kids don't have to be friends.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:14 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • You can't do anything. Let them work it out.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:15 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • Yes, they are old enough to make their own decisions, even if they hurt other people. You don't have to like those decisions, but you do have to respect them. Have you ever, as an adult, had someone stop talking to you, without giving you a reason or any explanation whatsoever? I'm sure everyone has at one time or another. This is really no different, it just feels different to you b/c you are seeing your daughter being hurt by it. But there's nothing you can do about it, and your friend is right: IF this is going to be worked out, whether it's to be friends again or to continue going their separate ways, it has to be the two girls working it out, b/c they want to, not b/c one or both of their moms tried to force it. In the meantime, just stay friends with your friend and don't expect your daughters to hang out.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 12:26 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • You can't clean up after your daughter forever...even if she was wronged. She needs to take care of this on her own. It's one thing to talk to the other mom, but it's not YOUR job to demand how SHE parent.

    Answer by moneysaver6 at 1:26 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • I think it is fine you mention it... just as if you daughter was having any kind of issues, but even if the other mom wanted to do something about it, you can't really force kids to be friends with, nor stay away from others. I'd focus on being supportive of your daughter, keep her busy, give her opportunities to get to know other kids.

    My daughter is friends with our friends daughter when we see them personally, but not at school - I do ask my daughter not to be mean to her or anything, but I can't force her to be friends. It's a shame the other mom doesn't try to pass that kind of message to her daughter, but if not, oh well... it's an unfortunately part of growing up.

    Answer by PhillyinFrance at 2:51 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • The girls need to work this out on their own, it's part of growing up. All you can do is talk to your daughter see how she is feeling about it and maybe a personal story to let her know she isn't alone. I'm sure we all had friends in jr. high school that we stopped talking to for some reason through out high school, kids grow apart and change. You cannot force someone to be friends. My dads best friend has a daughter a year older than me and we could not stand each other, if we had to be together with our dads for something, we were civil but in school no one even knew that we knew each other, you don't have to lose your friend over this as long as you don't make it an issue between moms.

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 5:41 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • Thank you to everyone who answered. I respect your answers even though I disagree. First of all I would NEVER try to force anyone to be friends. I wanted this child after 10 years in my home and as practically part of our family to be civil to me and my daughter. ( she also passes me everyday and snubs me) and I do think its her parents who can correct this behavior, if not for their childs sake then at least because we at one point were best friends.

    Answer by loyalgirl at 8:13 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • let them work it out. (listen to your friend. she's wise)

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:09 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • ok first of all considering the child has just dealt with parents divorce her child is full of hurt and mixed emotions. honestly though kids go through things like this all the time, so just give her child time to adust and most likely in time they will work it out themselves

    Answer by April52403 at 9:41 AM on Mar. 25, 2009

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