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please help honest opinions needed

OK ill make this short and to the point. I have been with my fiance for 6 years engaged for 1.5 we have a 9month old dd and i just officially found out he has smoked pot since day 1. I asked him a long time ago if he did and he said he didnt anymore but used to (yadda yadda yadda) he knows im against it for personal reasons especially when my DD doesnt need to be around that crap. I wanna leave but he said he will kill himself if i take her and leave and i dont know what to do please help!!!!

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:26 PM on Mar. 24, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • He is throwing a pitty party to get you to stay, if you feel that strongly about it then go. Or at least get your daughter out and tell him to get cleaned up and you might consider getting back together. Dont let him get away with lying to you about this for so long, especially with a kid to look after,.

    Answer by AK_aries at 1:29 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • Leave. And send him to the nut house.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:30 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • He could be doing worse things.  Honestly, smoking pot isn't that bad.  I would be more pissed that he lied about it.
    Just leave him if you want.  I doubt he'd kill himself, he's just trying to scare you. 
    If it were me, I'd just get over it.  Again, I don't see smoking pot as being such a bid deal.  Just set rules :  Don't smoke around you/DD.  No smoking in the house.  Make sure bills are paid before he buys it.  Don't let him spend rent/grocery $ on pot.


    Answer by Anonymous at 1:31 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • Well, I gotta agree with anon above me, I would be more pissed that he lied. You can work on the pot problem if you really love him enough to work it out. Is he a good provider? Is he a good dad? I think the killing himself thing is a little dramatic, but I wouldn't just throw him out just yet. I would let him know it's not okay with you and give him the opportunity to get some help and find out why he feels the need to do it to begin with. I mean seriously, if it was an alcohol problem you'd help to AA not throw him out the door, it's an addiction so I hope you guys will try to work it out.

    Answer by Steff107 at 1:37 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • Nice and dandy with what they all said...BUT what else has he lied about would be part of
    my worry....If he can hide that from you for all these years....what else
    can he hid...He is good at keeping secrets that is clear...

    Answer by Dannee at 1:47 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • dont leave over smoking pot!! seriously at least its not meth!! if hes not willing to quit smoking pot than make him take it somewhere else, not at the house at all!!

    Answer by Breezy1988 at 1:54 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • It truly is possible that he has just been hiding the habit from you, it doesn't make him a cheater or anything else. Get the facts all of them, before you decide. I hid my problem from my family, but I didn't lie about everything else.

    Answer by Steff107 at 1:58 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • I agree with anon also. I knew a few good parents that smoke pot, and don't see the pot as the problem. It sounds more like your have personal issues with it, and if you would be happier without him then with him then by all means you should leave. Especialy with him lying about in and trying to manipulate you with suicide threats, that's just wrong and messed up! Any how, unless you have proof that he's a bad parent, it's just your word against his, and he'll have almost as much chance of gaining custody of your DD as you do. I'm pretty sure that you have to prove that some one drug are alcohol use effects the health and well being of the child. If the child is never around it, then it doesn't help in most custody cases.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:02 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • I have to say that while he might have kept this from you, I'm sure it was b/c of your feelings towards pot. If he has been using this whole time then he has kinda proven your assumptions about pot and those who use it as wrong (to some extent). Many who smoke see it as a "lifestyle", not necessarily an addiction, and can be responsible with thier usage. He obviously is a good dad and fiance (you have been with him for a long time) so his usage has not affected who he is as a person. And I doubt it ever will. You can still not like it, but maybe give him more lieniency in his usage so that he doesn't feel the need to hide it. Setting rules for the usage is ok. (Like never around your daughter, only afer shes in bed, etc)

    Answer by ozarkgirl3 at 3:56 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • And while he has stated that he would kill himself w/o his daughter, who hasn't said or thought the same thing...

    What would you do if he threatened to take your daughter away from you for any reason?

    I think those statements aren't ones of mental instabliity but just of a dad who cares about his daughter and can't understand why you would go to the extreme of leaving him over a plant....

    I think he cares for you and his daughter, so please don't make a rash decision based on something thats really not a big deal.

    Answer by ozarkgirl3 at 4:04 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

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