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bad grandma

Anyone else have a MIL who showers her other grandchildren with everything they want,but leaves yours out for no apparent reason?We had a disagreement with her and her SO awhile back over a satellite tv bill,and ever since she has taken it out on our son by blatently leaving him out ,or by giving him the most obvious cheap gifts while spending hundreds on the other 4.I've been able to hide the fact so far,but eventually he's gonna figure it out.So should I confront her,or give her the cold shoulder?

 
TMJ121099

Asked by TMJ121099 at 3:07 PM on Mar. 24, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 7 (186 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • I would say anything to her. Is your child close with your parents? The child will figure it out on his own and then grandma will have to deal with that. I say , when your son starts to notice the differences, make sure grandma hears whatever comments he makes and he will make them. My sons fathers mother, got my son a toothbrush from the dollar store for the last Xmas he seen them while the other kids got real gifts. My son told her to keep the toothbrush. That entire family ignored my son on his birthday, his father has the same bday, had a party for himself and ignored my son. When I picked him up he looked at me and said, "Momma no one said happy birthday to me, not even my dad." Grandma just looked at him and said its your dads party but happy bday. He told her it was too late (he was 4 when this happened). He is now 12 and doesn't associate with anyone from his fathers family-hasn't seen them in about 5 yrs.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 3:32 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • My mil does this crap too, but her other grandkids live out of town and we never see them. My kids al got like $30 spent on them for x-mas, and then she sent like $500 worth of stuff down to the other kids. I would blow it off, at lest untill your son notices and then have your husband say something to her. If you do it she will just find something to complain about maybe she will take it more seriously if he does it. Good luck!
    AK_aries

    Answer by AK_aries at 3:15 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • My MIL does this too. But is is my youngest that she favors. All the other grandkids (7 total) get left out, even my other kids. All the kids are her sons' kids. The older kids notice it. She will get only my dd something and noting for the other kids sometimes. I don't want to say that they don't like her, but they do resent her for it. I have never said anything to my kids about it, I have asked my dh to tell her if she isn't going to get ALL the kids something, then don't get any of them anything. All the kids are really close and they know when g-ma gets someone something. So I would say anything, your son will see it for himself and decide he doesn't want anything to do w/ her.
    4monkees

    Answer by 4monkees at 3:25 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • to contimue...... what goes around comes around. As long as your child has love from you and your parents he doesn't need the other set. It is their loss not his.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 3:33 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • I would sit down with my husband and come up with a plan. My personal plan would be to talk to MIL and tell her she doesn't have to care for me but if my child is hurt she will not continue to be part of our family. Period. I would spell out to my MIL exactly what I expect and if that level of minimum decency that I demand she show my child. I don't expect lavish gifts...it is not the amount of money spent. But when my child can obviously see that Grandma is loving her other grandchildren more - I draw my line. So if she wants to maintain a relationship with this grandchild then shape up. No arguments, just do it. And I don't pay lip service to that. I mean it. I did it with my own mother so my MIL knows I am not just talking out my ass.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:36 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • Rather than my MIL doing this, my MOM does this (sort of). She spoils my son, my daughter, and my step-daughter, but completely shuns my step-son like he doesn't exist! I have called her out on this several times, and it has gotten better over the years, but he still doesn't like to see her or spend any time with her. Frankly, I don't blame him at all!
    jennijune_21

    Answer by jennijune_21 at 3:38 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • I was so saddened to hear of so many grandmas doing this to their grandchildren,be they by blood or marriage! I'd like to send a hug out to you all!
    TMJ121099

    Answer by TMJ121099 at 4:34 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • My MIL isn't blatenly rude to my son or anything though she obviously prefers her other 2 grandsons had by her daughter. Its a matter of her not likeing me though. My son is 2 and doesn't understand it but when he gets older I'll just expalin to him that Gma doesnt like mommy so she isn't quite so nice to him and that its not his fault.
    lstrickland

    Answer by lstrickland at 5:09 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • My mom does this. She gets my grandkids cheap ass gifts, while she gets my half-sister's child nice gifts, she does this at christmas and birthdays. One christmas, she got my granddaughter a USED plush animal, and my grandson a old, old pr. of high top walking shoes she bought at the good will store, those shoes were made from the 50's, and they were supposed to be white, but they were yellow with age, and the inside soles were hard and brittle and cracked, they were so old. And she got my half-niece nice gifts. She gave my granddaughter $5.00 in a card for her birthday, and my son had given my half-niece $15.00 in a card for her birthday, but mom did not care, she still only gave my grandkid only $5.00 in return for her birthday. My grandkids are all too young to realize this or even care about it now, but they will realize when they get older, i should but i don't say anything to mom, i just get the half-niece cheap gifts.
    toyota

    Answer by toyota at 6:21 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • geez!your stories sound worse than mine!I was just remembering back to before I had my son.She called us up to tell us she had hit some rummage sales,and had some stuff for us.The clothes were so nasty! The onesies were all stretched out and yellow,everything was so old and worn.I couldn't figure out why she thought we would actually put this crap on our kid!My SIL got all brand new stuff from her though.Shows what she thinks of us I guess.
    TMJ121099

    Answer by TMJ121099 at 6:58 PM on Mar. 24, 2009