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out 0f control preteen girl

God, I don`t know where to begain. Calling me names, hitting me, attacking me, shifting my gear while I`m driving. The list goes on and on. I need some help

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yasmin97

Asked by yasmin97 at 3:28 PM on Mar. 24, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Sorry but you need to do something major NOW! In my state you are allowed to only provide 2 changes of clothes (3 in all) a matress on the floor, no phone, no friends and 3meals as bland and boring as you dare, and either a blanket and pillow or a blanket and sheet. Sounds like you need to take her down to the bare minimum and see how good she has had it. And dont punish her in ways that are easy on her just because you are afraid of the next outburst and /or dont want to hurt her or push her away. Be hard on her and dont let up, take away all privlidges untill she can show you how she can behave appropriately. My step sister went through this and it took serious extreems to get things under control, afte rmonths of trying and not working through stuff it came down to just doing it no matter how mad she got, and it really got the point across.
    AK_aries

    Answer by AK_aries at 3:32 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • The first thing to ask is this:
    Has she been through any recent trauma that would cause this behavior?

    Now:
    Have you been to a counselor yet? It really sounds as though there are some severe anger issues, and you are the brunt of it.
    jennijune_21

    Answer by jennijune_21 at 3:33 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • you need to get her attention and fast. make sure she doesn't go anywhere or do anything she wants to NEXT time she asks, just say NO, when she asks why or throws a fit, say its because of her attitude (or whatever the reason may be). do that every single time. she'll get it soon.... do let her do something when the attitude is how you like it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:33 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • Definately do not allow her to sit in the front seat. ground her. take away toys/games. do not allow her to go anywhere or do anything.

    how long has this been going on? has there been any changes in her life? any problems at school? new friends? do you know what is causing the behavior? punishing her isn't going to get to the bottom of this. it sounds to me like something is going on - unless this has been going on since she was little - then i think she needs discipline.

    you may want to talk to a counselor/therapist if this is really new behavior. have you tried to talk to her when she is not acting out about what is going on, whats bothering her, etc?
    aly38914290

    Answer by aly38914290 at 3:39 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • I just found this site. Check it out:
    http://www.myoutofcontrolteen.com/
    jennijune_21

    Answer by jennijune_21 at 3:52 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • GO ON MAURY POLViCH
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:43 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • Wow! I honestly don't understand how an adult would tolerate such behavior. If I would have done that to my dad I feared he would kill me!!! You need to give her a firm warning and then strip her of every privilege and luxury she has until she actually earns those things and gives you the respect due you consistently and with a great attitude! There has to be a balance of fear and respect in a parent/child relationship and it begins with you~
    lilhoney

    Answer by lilhoney at 11:45 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • You need to do something as of yesterday. Sounds like something is going on with her that she shows so much anger. Have a heart to heart w/her to get down to what is causing her to react with so much hostility and lack of respect toward you. That's extremely dangerous that she is causing danger while you are driving too. You say that the list goes on and on. Wow. If you can't help her and she doesn't calm down she needs a counselor if she doesn't already have one.
    cat4458

    Answer by cat4458 at 10:25 AM on Mar. 25, 2009

  • She needs to be in the back seat of the car and strapped in. If she can't obey the rules she can't ride in the car. If she hits you then call the police, you can even charge her with assault. If you let her treat you that way then it's not going to stop.

    Of course this only applies if there is no reason for the behavior. If she is sick or she's been abused in any way then her behavior, while not excusable, is at least rational. Have you asked her why she's doing these things?
    RhondaVeggie

    Answer by RhondaVeggie at 9:16 PM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • I agree with tough love and taking stuff away. My daughter, now,22, was way out of control and when I look back I realize it was because I did not take control as I should have. Whatever her problem was, PMS, Depression, stress, peer pressure, I was lucky to have another chance at parenting with my son and now have clear boundaries and consequences and DO NOT let my emotions get in the way of parenting.
    writeon

    Answer by writeon at 2:59 PM on Apr. 2, 2009

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