Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

My ten year old son is very mouthy and mean towards me he always talks back to me and he is always yelling at me! i dont know what to do anymore! how do i stop this ?

im not sure if he is mad because his dad is not around ,we have been apart for almost 3 years now and he lives in another state so he dont see him that much i think he is angry and unhappy with me because of that ! but also i think he talks to me the way his dad talked to me do u think he acts that way because his dad is gone ? he is getting in troube alot at school lately to i dont know what to do anymore im going crazy help please!

Answer Question
 
tarpo74

Asked by tarpo74 at 9:11 PM on Mar. 24, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • He's 10? Don't allow him to talk to you this way. He needs to respect you and you need to demand respect! You're the mom.
    mamaada

    Answer by mamaada at 9:25 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • this is what I did with my 10 year old when he started acting that way. His dad, my DH still lives with us but he works so much that the kids do not see him for more than a few hours a week. I sat him down and told him that his behavior was not acceptable, that you do not talk to your mother, or any other adult that way. I told him that I realize that he does not usually act this way, and want to know what was going on. I had to praise him about how he was, and what he is doing now, as well as show him the difference of his attitude now vs. then. He did open up and we talked which was good. At the end, I reminded him that I am always here to talk too, that a little warning on a bad day or something would be nice, and that treating me the way he was would not be tolerated. I then informed him that I love him, and that the next time he chose to treat me badly I would devote the rest of the day into making him miserable.
    vbongard

    Answer by vbongard at 9:29 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • I think that is what she is asking for help with mamaada
    vbongard

    Answer by vbongard at 9:30 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • You are making excuses for him even through your post. Don't do that. Mouthing off and disrespect are inexcusable. A smack in the mouth or a bar of soap will work wonders. He is not too old to beat the crap outta him either. You have to gain control mom, or it will be all over for you. You should have start disciplining along time ago. You are now seeing the consequence of what could have been avoided if you would have started this long long ago.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:33 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • It's probably not the most popular solution, but I'd beat his @ss.
    Laura1229

    Answer by Laura1229 at 10:08 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • is this my dd? lol, my grandson is doing the same thing. I think it's just adolescence and hormones. He will settle down. When he does it, just bring it to his attention. Just calmly say "that is unkind" or "that is not the way to speak to your mother". Keep it simple and to the point but don't over react. I used to ask my children, "are you sure you want to talk to me like that?" It gave them a chance to rephrase if hormones were influencing their behavior. They always calmed down and rephrased.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:23 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • Yeah, you need to get a firm grip on him now. He obviously doesn't have a healthy amount of respect and fear of disrespecting you because he knows that there are no consequences. If you love him you'll tighten up, if he is ten and acting like this now he'll be in prison before you know it. It all begins with lack of respect for authority.
    lilhoney

    Answer by lilhoney at 11:40 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • I agree with what admckinze said I have a dd that's 10 and she gets sassy now and then and she does it mostly to me, not her Dad. He's better at not reacting. Mine started acting this way at 9 and I do think hormones have a lot to do do with it, but it doesn't excuse it being wrong of course. "Nip it in he bud" each and every time.
    cat4458

    Answer by cat4458 at 10:13 AM on Mar. 25, 2009

  • I agree with vbongard... I think that you need to sit down and find out what is wrong... he is still young enough for you to get through to him. I think that you need to make him sit down and respect you enough for him to tell you why he is feeling the way he does. 10 year olds are easy to crack and he will tell you why he is upset.

    You need to express to him that you cannot help him until he tells you what is bothering him.
    gallwina

    Answer by gallwina at 3:35 PM on Mar. 25, 2009

  • Adolescence and lingering stress from the separation is my guess, but not an excuse. Have you tried seeing a certified behaviorist? It's worked wonders for both of our kids who, by the way, have never actually seen the therapist because she's training us to be more effective parents. Sounds like your son has been getting away with disrespect for authority figures at home.

    How 'bout a physical outlet? My kids do karate. It's given them focus, respect for adults, a ton of confidence (tweens really need it), an outlet for anger and frustration. A good Sensei teaches self control, imperative to being a happy kid and adult some day.

    My kids get chore cards when they're really rotten. Clean the toilet, scrub the foyer, etc. Spanking is only for refusal to comply with the punishment. Wooden spatula, and I've tried it on myself to check how it feels. I think hitting teaches hitting and doesn't correct the behavior.
    crittermomma

    Answer by crittermomma at 11:16 AM on Mar. 26, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.