Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Anger, Depression!

Growing up my mother (in my mind) used to be very mean to me. I was closest to my dad and my brother was close to her. Now that I am a mother myself I see myself walking in her shoes and it's scary. I am naturally a pretty strick parent however, I find myself getting irriated easily with my kids (who are two years old) and sometimes I am just flat out detached. My mother ended up leaving us when I was 13 and I still struggle with the effects of that today, especially as a mom. I am scheduled to talk to a therapist but I just don't want to end up to my kids like she is to me. No matter how good she is now to me, I always carry what she did to me in the back of my head. I need advise!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:30 PM on Mar. 24, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (3)
  • I started calling my kids, My love. It's harder to be angry at them when you call them your love. I've found that it's helped me stay calm in a situation where I would have gotten angry with them. I'm fairly strick and don't want to be mean, strick yes, mean no.
    DD always spills her drinks (well almost always;)) and instead of getting angry/irratiated at her putting her glass in the line of fire I'll now say, "Move your cup to a safe spot my love." Or to my son who is soooooooooooo slow I'll tell him, "Time to get your coat and boot's on love."
    You should also try looking at it like, you are making the choice to say and do the things you do. Makes you think twice most of the time. I'd just like to let you know that while I've found these tricks I'm not the perfect mother I want to be, I'm working on it though and that can't be wrong!
    AmandaH321

    Answer by AmandaH321 at 10:40 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • Two suggestions - read 'Parenting from the Inside Out' by Dan Siegel and Mary Hartzell - this book helps YOU find those triggers in you from your own childhood and helps you learn how and why it's important to process those leftover emotions. Also, look into getting some counseling to help you work through these issues. Good luck!
    JPsMommy605

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 10:46 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

  • You are your own person & detaching yourself has always been a survival mode for you so you just need to learn when "not" to use it & not to use it against your children, which you will in time. Counseling will help you learn the tools that you need to communicate, think rationally & what questions to ask yourself when feeling anxious. I really believe you on the right track. You sound like you are aware of what you want & what you don't want & by your post it sounds like you love your children very much. Just be sure to seek the counseling needs so that you may be able to finally release this anger that you hold so close to your heart. They say the first defense on fear & hurt is anger. Try to remember how hurt you where with your mom & learn not to re~live those mistakes that she made. Good luck & don't give up!
    onespecialmom

    Answer by onespecialmom at 10:48 PM on Mar. 24, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.