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What do you tell your kids when they really want to be accepted and liked by the meansest kid in class?

i have a friend who's daughter is in 4th grade. She recently caught her writing an apology letter to her friend because she did not get invited to her party and she really waned to go. They were friends up until recently when my friends daughter went to a sleep over at this friends house. My friend asked her daughter why she was writing her a letter and wanted to know what she was apologizing for. Her daughter told her that she was not apologizing for anything because it was her friend that was being very mean to her and she did not even know why. My friends daughter made it very clear to her that she was feeling hurt and left out because she did not get invited to the party. My friend was so upset that her daughter would even want to hang out with this so called friend. Is this kind of behavior common? What advice would you give a 4th grade girl about dealing with mean girls?


Asked by ericadrian at 4:05 AM on Mar. 25, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (4)
  • I'd suggest that the daughter direct her attention to other kids - is there someone else she liked to be better friends with? I'd suggest they invite her over, and things like that. Otherwise, to be honest, this happens a lot and parents can't 'fix' it. And yes, kids will sometimes to and feel lots of things their parents never have (ahh... wait a few years, you'll see).

    Answer by PhillyinFrance at 8:07 AM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • You've seen the movie.. the mean girl is on top.. and your friends daughter recognizes it.. in society everyone wants to be on top.. your friend needs to make sure her daughter has good morals.. to be a leader instead of a follower.. if she knows its wrong why would she let it happen... get her to stick up to her friend or even give the mean girl a taste of her own medicine.. thats almost 2 different answers i guess.. or just let the parents know everything.. like let the mother of the girl thats getting picked on know and get the mean girls mom to know and set all three of them down to work it out or have a play date.. you need to fix it fast because kids are growing up so fast its a matter of time before you can't change them

    Answer by Jan0609momma at 4:59 AM on Mar. 25, 2009

  • going through this myself...this same thing is happening to my daughter.the girls are leaving my daughter out..she doesnt know why.she is to shy and wont ask. but i tell you when your daughter is being shunned you feel it.i am just watching for now.but i have learned that the mother of this girl is kind of coaching her as to what to daughter will call they have caller id and wont answer her calls.she wants everyone to cater to her and i bet the other girl is mad cause your friends daughter slept over another girls house.but when there is another mother involved its hard. so i am going to wait a while and see what happens and if this continues i am going to say something..cause i tell you these girls live and learn...

    Answer by snowmom974 at 10:13 AM on Mar. 25, 2009

  • My friend did talk to her daughter and told her that this mean girl is not worth her friendship. And she has always told her that she should not be around anyone that is mean to her. She also prohibited her from writing the letter (if forgot to mention that). This shocks my friend because she (my friend) has always been the type of person that could give a rats ass what anyone thinks of her, although she is very friendly and always has been, so she's trying to figure out where this this insecurity is coming from and how to help her daughter cope with this mean girl. She's guessing it's all part of her daughter growing up. Just wanted to get your opinion. I only have boys and boys aren't as mean and clique-ish as girls(I've heard) so I haven't had any issues like this...yet. Thanks for the insight...

    Answer by ericadrian at 11:54 AM on Mar. 25, 2009