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How do I fit in? The other moms are so rude to me. I leave every game and cry.

Im from Chicago and husband is from Ms. We bought a house in Al. We have been here 6 yrs and I still don't know anyone. We go to all the games and school functions, our kids are very involved and have adjusted well. The other moms are rude to me. They give me dirty looks and actually will turn their back to me if I sit next to them. I have not done anything to these women they are just mean to me. I leave all the games and cry on the way home. I have tried talking to them, being as nice as I can be. I have never had trouble making friends till we moved here. I have actally been told I was charming. I bought t-shirts, jeans, and sneakers to look like them. It didnt help and I didnt feel like me so I went back to my heels and nice clothes. I even changed my hair color.Im always nice, but they have even acted like they didnt hear me say hello. Other than move, What should I do? It is lonley and I dont get southern hospitality.

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Asked by Amazommy at 8:22 AM on Mar. 25, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (22)
  • That isn't southern hospitality... that's women who are jealous of what you have and afraid you're "better" than they are. Start wearing jeans/tshirts if you want but not to please someone else.
    Damn... I'm not sure what to say... other than forget them but I know how it is to not have friends. I don't have any friends either.

    Answer by Gremlyn at 8:26 AM on Mar. 25, 2009

  • I agree wit the above. I have no firends because they thnk I am square because I do not drink, go to the bar,party, do drugs, or have that lovely Pa accent. I am not changing my wasy to suit them.

    Answer by Ibelongtojesus at 8:28 AM on Mar. 25, 2009

  • Well if those women act like that I wouldn't want to be their friends anyway.. I know that doesn't help does it? I have found (I am originally from MI) that the whole "southern hospitality" thing is a joke. there are so many women down here that will act so nice to someone's face and then stab them in the back. I have lived here in TN for over ten years now and have made some good and loyal friends, but I still do run across those women that are just tacky and/or stuck up, and I just ignore them. I am not going to change who I am to fit in anywhere, this is not high school. If people don't like me for me, forget them... Have you tried getting involved with a local group of volunteers? Like helping out at a childrens home or a shelter or something? You can meet some good and compassionate people when you volunteer. People that think of and care for others and are not out to alienate people..

    Answer by KTMOM at 8:29 AM on Mar. 25, 2009

  • If they want to treat you like you are better than them because you dress nicer than them, fine. Then act better than them and ignore them! Act like you don't need them. You really don't need friends like this anyways. They are obviously jealous of you.

    Answer by mamaada at 8:31 AM on Mar. 25, 2009

  • I hate to say it, but it may be time to give up on those women. Who would want to be friend with a bunch of catty you-know-whats anyway? Try to get involved in some hobbies that interest you. There has to be someone within a 10 mile radius that isn't a total jerk! If you really want to get this particular group (probably because you see them all the time and their kids are friends with your kids) then I would say you need to locate the queen bee, get her on your side and the rest will follow. Even if they still don't like you, they'll at least be nicer to you. Once you figure out which one is the queen, get her alone (if possible) and corner her and invite her and her husband to dinner with you and yours. Don't make things perfect, but keep them nice. I hope that works!

    Answer by beckcorc at 8:34 AM on Mar. 25, 2009

  • So every woman there is mean to you? Maybe you are trying to make yourself fit with a certain crowd that you just not going to get along with. Try other moms. Maybe your trying too hard? But they all can't be snubbing you. Move on to other moms. Next game or two look around for another mom who looks lonely herself cause I guarantee you that you will find one. (despite her looks)

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:36 AM on Mar. 25, 2009

  • I agree, they must be jealous..what other reason would cause them to act like that? Wierd...I know that the ones in my neighborhood avoid me because it's all the "rich, married SAHM click here" and I'm poor and divorced LOL
    It once really bothered me... I always wondered why they avoid me and my friend told me that they're just insecure...I was married 11 years and never worried about a single friend mom taking my husband...Women are odd sometimes!

    Answer by RachelleNH at 8:37 AM on Mar. 25, 2009

  • just know your not alone there was a group of women like that here. i would pick up my sd at 11am and they would stand in there group and whisper and glance at me and here i am thinking what? what did i do? i would stand near them and they would move i would leave upset and dsd would say whats wrong? nothing hunny.. my dsd got invited to one of these women house for end of year party and knew she wanted to go so i took her and i sat there all by myself no one even said hi or ohh good she was able to come, i sat there for 2 hours alone while they would glar and whisper.that night i cried and dh was like there jellouse of you. he saw it were not in det and were happily married there life is proubly in shambles. might not be true but i felt better. im still the outcast but thats ok i dont need them just like you dont mama xoxo

    Answer by tabbys4 at 8:45 AM on Mar. 25, 2009

  • hate to say it its like being in school again. cheerleader vrs band. ( wrong yes ) but sometimes it never gose away.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:47 AM on Mar. 25, 2009

  • Honey, I live in Alabama and people WILL treat you like that for wearing heels and dressy outfits. When I got older, I started dressing sophisticated, and when I did I started getting a lot of durty looks. One thing about Al is..People look at that kind of style and automatically view you as a snoot or a goody two shoes type of person. Their style consists of short shorts, Flip flops and and a name brand shirt, or either jeans, tenne shoes and a t-shirt. Alabama LACKS fashion sense. They aren't use to people dressing sophisticated like other states and countries do. If you go to Paris that's ALL you will see, so they're use to it. I know I'm not a snoot, I know I don't think I'm better than anyone, the only thing I've did is decided I'd rather dress classy and look good rather than dress slutty. Don't worry about them, that might not be the right place to look for friends.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:54 AM on Mar. 25, 2009

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