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Have you ever helped out your adult child monetarily and kept it a secret from their dad??

I have done this with all of my children but sometimes the guilt of carrying this secret kills me, have you ever done this??


Asked by Anonymous at 12:06 PM on Mar. 25, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • kyleenkolbee, you just brought tears to my eyes! I hope that my DD will someday have the same "realization" that you do. I never went behind her Dad's back because I wanted to keep secrets, I just knew that he and I had different views on what "helping the kids out" meant. Yes, it caused me years of anxiety, probably hurt our marriage, but, my kids welfare meant more to me than my marriage. There, I said it! Yes, I love my husband, dearly, but, there is a bond between a Mother and child that is unfathomable; it is ever forgiving, ever loving.


    Answer by grovelady at 5:34 AM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • My daughter isn't there yet, but I can tell you that I have watched both my parents help me and think they are keeping it secret from eachother, and I have watched my grandparents help my dad and think that they are the only one doing it and keep it from eachother...I think its silly to keep it a secret.

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 12:10 PM on Mar. 25, 2009

  • I do not do it and would not do it...I do not let people barrow money from me any ways


    Answer by louise2 at 12:20 PM on Mar. 25, 2009

  • Absolutely not I would not do this to my husband.

    Answer by Praying at 2:08 PM on Mar. 25, 2009

  • We have helped...but never w/o the others knowledge. That would be a bewtrayal of trust here.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 1:23 AM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • WEll I guess Im the bad wife. My husband and I have children from other marriages. His son is 25 and my oldest is 24. I have helped out both kids and still do. Nothing more then 50 bucks or groceries without my husband knowing. He feels that we shouldnt help them. Ive not kept it a secret exactly. If he asked I would tell him I guess.

    Answer by mistynights234 at 12:20 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • I have lent my kids small amounts without first checking with their dad, but I tell him later. And any large amount, I usually check with him first.

    Answer by Saralinda at 5:09 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • I have watched a sil and sister do this---it is very detrimental to both marriages AND the child being helped!!!!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:44 AM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • my mom used to do it all the time for me and honestly i feel guilty for it i should've never put her in that situation...

    Answer by kyleenkolbee at 1:25 AM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • I have helped my sons. It depends on the amount whether I even mention it. We have always been parents who insist our children learn from mistakes. If it isn't really anything they did to cause the need, if it is just circumstances, if it isn't every week they are asking, then I will help. I always talk to my husband if it is more than $50 or $75 at one time. I know that when we were starting out and needed help, neither set of parents would offer help even with the promise of repayment. If I can help them now, I will, but I always include their dad. He should have the opportunity to be part of helping since they are his kids. If he says no, then its no. Someone has to think with logic and not just emotion at times.

    Answer by jesse123456 at 12:37 PM on Mar. 29, 2009