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I'm new and a friend told me to come here to get some advice. Back on January 17, 2009 I was involved in an accident and miscarried. My ex is now harrassing me and accusing me of things I never did. I don't know what to do and how to move on. Any advice would be helpful.

My ex, Branden, is accusing me of abortion and using me as his reason to continue cutting himself, and saying that I was the only reason he got through his tour in Iraq. We were together only during the last 5 months of his tour and I got to see him once. He doesn't know where I live but only the general area. I have deleted him on everything from instant messaging to myspace and facebook, but he keeps finding me. I just don't know what to do anymore.

 
OhSara87

Asked by OhSara87 at 5:01 PM on Mar. 25, 2009 in Relationships

Level 4 (29 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • It is likely that your ex is suffering from some type of PTSD, and you are not to blame for his troubles. He is cutting because he doesn't know how to cope, but is refusing to admit that he doesn't know how to cope and instead is blaming you.

    You have done right by deleting him off of your public pages. I would also make your pages private so he can not see them without being on your list of friends. A phone number change, as well as making your number unlisted, would be advisable. If he continues on with the harassment, you should make a report to the police. Not press charges at this point, but tell them you want to make a formal complaint so that the harassment is on file in the event that anything (god forbid) were to happen.

    If, after all of that, he continues on, get a restraining order. He will not be allowed, by law, to contact you in any way. Maybe then he will get the hint.
    CarolynBarnett

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 5:13 PM on Mar. 25, 2009

  • I totally agree w/ CarolynBarnett, she hit the nail on the head. My ex husband has/had PTSD from being deployed and he acted this same way he even went as far as breaking into my house just to try and get back with me. I would follow CarolynBarnett's advice and if you know he is hurting himself I would even maybe call the cops, so they can get him the help that he needs.
    hautemama83

    Answer by hautemama83 at 6:21 PM on Mar. 25, 2009

  • Thanks CarolynBarnett and Hautemama38, I know that before he went overseas he was showing signs of bi-polar and depression, but I thought it was in my head. I have changed my cell phone number and will get to my house number tomorrow morning. I have kept all the e-mails, text messages, just in case they are needed. As of now he wants to meet for what I'm thinking is a booty call. I'm NOT going to see him. There's no way of telling what he's capable to doing. Thanks for the advice! ~
    OhSara87

    Answer by OhSara87 at 6:29 PM on Mar. 25, 2009

  • That is sad to hear. I mean poor man god knows what he went through over there and to come home and be abandoned by his woman must be tough. Maybe you should've tried to be there for him and help him get help. It's not his fault he is acting that way, he has a sickness now and needs all the love and help that he can get. Women like you don't deserve men like that who risk their lives for our freedom then get stabbed in the back by their wife. Booh hoo he is being mean to me or is showing signs of PTSD so now I'll be a bitch and run away. What happened to being there for each other no matter what. You are suppose to be his wife and help him get better. If you fear he might hurt you then don't live under the same roof but still be there for him and show him that when he gets better you will go back.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:42 PM on Mar. 25, 2009

  • I agree with the others. It sounds like PTSD. He may not even realize he has it. My bf went through a stage where he was acting out. I soon realized, that it was NOT me like he said it was. It was something in his past that made him act out. I won't get into what he went through. I think it is a "Man thing" to not admit that they have problems. I think it makes them feel "less of a man"....lol. But deleting him from your stuff is a good idea. If he keeps up with it, get a restraining order (like the last poster said). Remember to keep all the stuff saved so if it does come down to it, you can have proof of it. I hope everything turns out okay for you. Maybe you could talk to someone about it. Like try to talk to a lawyer, (a free consultation maybe?). They may be able to tell you your rights and give you more advice, in case it gets worse. Make sure you always get the name of the person you talk to.
    gerigirl90

    Answer by gerigirl90 at 6:43 PM on Mar. 25, 2009

  • To the Anonymous writer:

    Branden and I were NEVER married. In fact, I was under the impression of him that his divorce was final when in reality it wasn't when I got pregnant. For a while I did stand by and support him in the best ways that I could. I wrote many letters and sent care packages and I even let his 2 sons come stay with me for a few days so that he could actually see them when he had the time to be online. His 2 sons are now almost 3 and 1. I treated them like they were my own 2 kids. So don't tell me that I wasn't supportive to his needs when he was the one always threatening to kick my ass if i didn't do certain things to meet his standards!
    OhSara87

    Answer by OhSara87 at 6:58 PM on Mar. 25, 2009

  • Lolz...Well I agree with the other anonymous. I mean it isn't entirely his fault. I understand it can get frustrating. If you really don't love him then it wouldn't matter if he was the nicest man alive you probably would've left and it would be the right choice because when you don't love someone you just don't love them. Do you still have feeling for him? I mean if you do then you should try and work things out I'm sure with help things can get better. It worries me that he is a cutter because you wouldn't want something to happen to him then feel guilty about it. You say you were there for him but it's not the same to be there when he is hundreds of miles away then actually being there for him now that he is back. You haven't really explained how you have been there for him or tried to get him help since he has been back, not bashing just stating a fact.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:08 PM on Mar. 25, 2009

  • He is manipulating you, or trying to. I was told in nursing school, years ago, that what you say/do does not make people do harmful things, it is whatis inside them and their problems. GL.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:18 PM on Mar. 25, 2009

  • Wow, that's pretty bad and you made a good choice in deleting him from everything. My husband had a similar experience but it was an ex girlfriend that was the wacko. She was a horrible leech that would not leave my now husband alone. I'm guessing she already had signs of depression or something because she was always calling my husband saying that she was going to kill herself and her daughter. Anyway, it was VERY hard to get rid of her and back then my husband was too scared to really let her have it. With those type of people you REALLY have to be tough with them and if that means being the biggest bitch to him ( regardless of his problems) you will have to do so because that is only way to get those people out of your life. Don't be afraid of being tough with him because he has problems, as you said you don't know what he is capable of, and at the end of the day YOUR SAFETY MATTERS THE MOST.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:27 PM on Mar. 25, 2009

  • Answered at 3:42 PM on Mar. 25, 2009 by: Anonymous
    Seriously unless you have benn there then I dont think she needs your opinion, PTSD is a very serious thing, and I have heard of my stories of men coming back from being deployed and killing their gfs or wives, but she wasnt even married to him and he obviously has issues that she cannot fix, get a life anon, and dont talk smack until you actually know wth you are talking about
    hautemama83

    Answer by hautemama83 at 7:37 PM on Mar. 25, 2009

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