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How can I get my separated husband to spend more time with our children now that he has a new baby?

I told my husband to leave almost a year ago because I noticed a change in him only to find out he was having an affair. We were married for 18 yrs and have four beautiful children the youngest who is now 2. He denied everything until I spoke to the woman who worked with him and stated she was pregnant.

My husband disappeared after that for 7 months without contacting the children even though he only lives 10 minutes away. He and I only saw each other at court for the child support hearings. Its tax season and he has suddenly reappeared.

His first visit with the kids was interrupted when I received a phone call from his crazed girlfriend stating that it was her due date and he left her alone to be with my kids. He immediately left and has not seen the kids since then. In addition his baby was just born. He does call the kids but doesn't make an attempt to see them. I'm afraid that the new baby has replaced them.

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:07 PM on Mar. 25, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • Don't worry about the new baby replacing the kids you and your ex have together...
    this man doesn't care about the new baby either.

    Move on.

    Answer by timelessglass at 8:14 PM on Mar. 25, 2009

  • There's nothing you can do! He has to come to the decision to see his kids more often. Sorry you can't force him to do anything!

    Answer by BubNSoap at 8:15 PM on Mar. 25, 2009

  • You can't do anything about it. Just forget about him, get a lawyer, get full custody and ask for child support. You cannot make someone do something they don't want to do. Also, you they kids don't need someone like that in their lives.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:16 PM on Mar. 25, 2009

  • You can't do anything about it, but your kids can keep in touch and that is better than nothing.

    Answer by gammie at 8:22 PM on Mar. 25, 2009

  • I can speak from experience.

    I am a child of a father that got a new family.

    My parents divorced when I was 12. Daddy got a new family. I had 2 younger sisters, the youngest had just turned 2. My Mom had never had a job before. It was very hard for us. Mom worked 2 and 3 jobs at a time just to keep a roof over our heads. Daddy didn't understand the concept of child support and this was long before they started taking it from pay/sending them to jail. We just did without.

    Over the years I watched my Daddy give his new family everything. The daughter (his stepdaughter!) got a NEW car when she turned 16. I couldn't even get him to cosign with me. He paid for their college too. I could go on.

    There is a LOT of bitterness. Get some counseling for your kids! Don't make them wait until they are grown and do it on their own. They willhave to accept the person he is and let go of him.


    Answer by yourspecialkid at 8:26 PM on Mar. 25, 2009

  • cont...

    I know this seems terrible. But, it was so hard for us growing up. Daddy would come around every now and then. We never knew if we were going to get anything for our birthday or Christmas. If we did it was obviously bought by our stepmom and CHEAP.

    Letting go of my Daddy was the best thing I ever did. He didn't deserve me as a daughter.

    My prayers and thoughts are with you and your children.

    Answer by yourspecialkid at 8:29 PM on Mar. 25, 2009

  • I'm still trying to get my x to spend time with his kids and the kids are in their 30's now! Some men just don't get it when it comes to how important they are in a child's life. Shame on him. Perhaps you should consider ending your torture and divorcing him and finding a really nice guy?

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:18 PM on Mar. 25, 2009

  • Wow! You must be a better woman than I am because I would have stiffed them both in court and took every pretty penny both of them make for the next couple of years. You can sue your spouse and the other "person" for damages, you did know that right? Sorry you are going through this but I agree that it's better to have no father than a father like that. Cut him loose and tell him every mom on cafemom thinks he's a BIG ole A$$hole!


    Answer by legalmommy101 at 9:21 PM on Mar. 25, 2009

  • i would go ask that visitation be set so he is forced to see the children. he should get standard visitation where he gets them one day a day and every other weekend. i would get a divorce now. wow i can't believe he is happy with her and i bet you he is not. he'll probably try coming back soon.

    Answer by melody77 at 10:12 PM on Mar. 25, 2009

  • i mean one day a week.

    Answer by melody77 at 10:13 PM on Mar. 25, 2009

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