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How do we rebuild our broken marriage?

We have been married one year. We have had our issues with each other throughout. We both love eachother very much. We both question the other's love (figure that out). We rarely agree on anything. We are 5 months pregnant with our first child and we are both scared. We attend the same church where SO's mom is pastor and family attends. This has caused it's share of issues in our marriage. Our families generally don't like each other. Mines sees SO as my problem, SO's fam sees it as me being SO's problem. We are falling apart. We try to talk but when we do we feel attacked by the other. A lot of finger pointing though its never intended. It is stressfull and we are miserable. We can't even agree on how to fix these things and it is eating away at our life together. We have done counseling and need more. But some simple wisdom would help.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:30 PM on Mar. 26, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (3)
  • My advice would be to stop listening to your family for for SO to stop listening to his! This is YOUR relationship, not theirs. Don't be influenced by their opinions. Instead of saying "You do this and You do that, or You DONT do this and You DONT do that" - try saying "I feel this and I feel that". Face your problems together instead of separately. Communicate. Don't expect SO to know how you feel and be open about everything. In a few more months things are going to get a whole lot more complicated when you add baby to the relationship - so now is the time to buckle down and work it out. Pick your battles. Find things you can compromise on and build from there. If you can't compromise on something, sit down together and talk about why it's such an issue for you or SO, and see if you can't try to understand where the other person is coming from. Hope things start looking up!!
    nichvegas-mommy

    Answer by nichvegas-mommy at 2:37 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • Get away from the family (both of them). If you want things to work in your relationship then you need to get away from them and work things out on your own.

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 3:43 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • First off i would stop calling my husband a significant "other". I know its acceptable these days but there is a certain connotation that is associated with that term. Like its temporary or something.Then take a deep breathe, right down all the things you think are wrong with your marriage, get your husband to right down what he thinks is wrong with the marriage. Take baby steps to sort out each of those issues. I think you also need to put up a united front in front of both his family and your family. If both know how important you are to each other both families will begin to back off.I don't know why going to the same church is causing problems but you can always attend another church which is neutral but has the same values as the ones you believe in. By neutral i mean one that the two of you want, not his family's and not your family's.But most important be there for the life inside of you, even if you can't hold it yet.
    maimutsa

    Answer by maimutsa at 2:47 AM on Mar. 27, 2009

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