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Do you, or have you, ever said "No" to your child(ren)?

I am a mother of 3 and a grandmother of 1. I was speaking with my oldest daughter, who is the new mommy of my 7 week old granddaughter, about how we will need to teach her not to touch certain things when she gets older.

I told her we will have to tell her "No" when she goes to touch something she isn't supposed to and my daughter told me that no one is ever allowed to say no to her daughter. She told me that her parenting style is to 'redirect' her daughter whenever she goes to do something wrong or dangerous.

Have any of you come across, or tried, this parenting style? How does it work? Is it successful? How am I supposed to never say no, though?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:10 PM on Mar. 26, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (70)
  • ***she has told us to never say NO, there will be absolutely no punishments (I suggested a timeout like they had and she said absolutely not), and we cannot speak contractions around her - we have to say will not instead of won't, do not instead of don't, cannot instead of can't, etc.***

    Wow! Yeah the word "no" does not harm any child, I've used it on all four of my children as well as danger when they do dangerous stuff, no harm. Contractions is a great way to teach your child good grammar, as for punishments, to each their own but you get what you deserve and if you raise a child to walk all over you and respect you not, then you will get just that. My mom told me something I value and respect, and am very proud of too... she said,"I ask to watch my grandchildren because they aren't spoiled brats and because I enjoy them, if you raised them otherwise I'd have little to do with them". Your daughter may have regrets later.
    Knightquester

    Answer by Knightquester at 1:27 AM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • To never say no to your child is to bring up a spoiled brat, imo. I think she means that when her baby starts to reach for things she's not suppose to, she will distract her with something else. Like, if the baby goes for an electric cord, instead of saying, "No, don't touch that" she'll coax her with something to keep her mind off of it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:16 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • I was babysitting a toddler once and the grandparents said I wasn't allowed to say "no" to her.

    I was running the vacuum (I also cleaned their house) and caught her just as she started reaching for the plug in the outlet. I dropped the vacuum and snatched her up, "Oh, no honey...you shouldn't touch that!" I didn't yell, didn't raise my voice, I was calm and sweet to her. I put her down with her toys and went back to the (still running) vacuum.

    I was fired for the "Oh no!" part.

    What are kids like that going to think when they're in school and the teacher tells them "no"?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:19 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • I never heard of this kind of parenting but then again I am not in favor of the phrase" DON'T DO THAT.....MOMMY DOESN'T LIKE IT".......How are they ever suppose to know right from wrong if they don't hear the word no? I would think that in your own house it would be your rules.
    foreverb3

    Answer by foreverb3 at 7:23 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • That can't last!We all have ideas on how we're gonna raise our kids,but some ideas fly out the window once reality sets in!She'll tire of the redirect real soon!
    TMJ121099

    Answer by TMJ121099 at 7:37 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • Maybe instead of never using NO, she could ask people to reserve the word NO for severe cases. Such as No, don't run into the street or situations that are life threatening. Redirection is good but I think parents need to have a word or phrase that lets their child know immediately to stop that activity. Sometimes there isn't time to redirect, you have to make sure the child is out of harm's way.
    funnyface1204

    Answer by funnyface1204 at 7:37 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • I hope you can talk some sense into her, or your grandbaby is going to grow up to be a spoiled brat!!!!
    Positive reinforcement is GREAT, and redirection can be a good tool, but not exclusively! Kids need boundaries and NEED to be told "no."

    Congrats on the new little one :)
    Kylie819

    Answer by Kylie819 at 7:43 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • When I was in High School we had a Child Development class and kids would come in a few mornings a week. We were told that we could not tell the children "no", If they were doing something that they shouldn't like running in the class, we couldn't say " no running". We had to say something like " we shouldn't run in the classroom" or "running in the classroom isn't allowed". I don't know if that is what your daughter is talking about. If she is I like that idea. Of course I still say "no" to my son, but he can get over used. I try to watch how I phrase things sometimes so he doesn't get used to hear me say "no" all of the time. Then I think it losses some of it's effectiveness, but just because I don't use the word "no" all of the time it doesn't mean I allow unacceptable behavior I just word it differently.
    mazonmom

    Answer by mazonmom at 7:54 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • I think some people avoid saying the word "no" because then the child learns it and that's all they end up wanting to say. Saying "no" to an adult (when the adult is telling you to do something) is extremely disrespectful and children might sometimes confuse the appropriateness of sharing their feelings with the innapropriateness of demanding "NO!" to an adult because they're told "no" when they want to do something. I'm going to try to not say "no" all the time because I don't want my kids saying it back to me or repeating it as their favorite word. Sometimes parents just say "no, no, no" all the time, the kids don't even listen lol. I hope that's what she was referring to.

    If she just meant to tiptoe around the child and "make nice" all the time just to not upset the child...that's no good lol. Parents should be preparing their kids for the future and the future is FULL of "no" (college, jobs, applying for things).
    NovemberLove

    Answer by NovemberLove at 8:05 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • I've tried both ways. They both work to be honest. If it was something serious like touching the stove that would be a very LOUD "NO" or even a very LOUD "HOT"
    Now when they were in the tub my son had a habit of standing and touching the knob to turn the water on. I always allowed them to play in the tub for a while. I used to sit on the toilet with a cross road puzzle or play with my hair in the mirror. During those times I would just redirect his attentiong to little duckies in the tub. It always worked because I had toys outside the tub I could redirect his attention to.
    I mean there is no right or wrong way. If it works it works.
    mommatime78

    Answer by mommatime78 at 8:21 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

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