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How do you make relationship with your sil's if you are the second wife, i get tired of hearing how nice brother first wife was!! She died 8 years ago, should i give up, or keep on trying???


Asked by Anonymous at 7:20 PM on Mar. 26, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (6)
  • Maybe think about why its hard on you to hear about how great she was...Is it hard to hear b/c you feel as though you are being compared with her? Is it hard b/c its a constant reminder that DH loved someone and didn't choose to leave, but was instead "forced" to do with out her (and therefore maybe it makes you insecure about how much he loves you?)

    Think about this....maybe the SIL's are dealing with their own "guilt" of liking you so much, and are trying to compensate by saying nice things about the deceased wife. Maybe in their minds they don't want to come across as replacing her with you (even though this isn't the case) Maybe they just miss her still. 8 years is a long time, but who are we to judge how long someone grieves or remembers someone who's passed?

    Maybe there is more to the story that I don't know...but from your sentence, it sounds like YOU are the one struggling with this issue. Ask yourself why...

    Answer by ozarkgirl3 at 8:03 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • say, I understand your hurt over her lose, but why not give ME a try...

    Answer by kaysha at 7:39 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • does your husband have children from the 1st marriage? she might be bringing it up, so you also keep her memory alive for the kids. this might have been her only death to deal with, which is hard to understand, since I feel like death as always been around, but I had a friend who had a relative die and they acted all nutty, its was there 1st death and its just everyone is different. My brother has been gone for 6 yrs and my kids and I talk about him all the time. totally different situation. but I find I bring him up alot in conversation with all people, since he is on my mind. but it was a SIL not a sister. she might be just one of those people who cant deal with change very well. have you tried some 1 on 1 activiies to bond? what does your husband say about it? id give it another try though, this will be a lifelong as family..good luck

    Answer by Kerinmomof2 at 7:43 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • Id answer you, but i hate that everyone does the anon..why hide?

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:44 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • To anon, i just think if you have an honest answer, please give the advice.

    Answer by mamababydoll122 at 8:06 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • To ozarkgirl3, I'd admitt it hurt sometimes. But, Iknow my husband loves me in so many ways. I might give it another try with my sils.

    Answer by mamababydoll122 at 8:12 PM on Mar. 26, 2009