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How do I get my hubby to understand how much stuff I do as a SAHM? He thinks I just sit around and watch tv all day long.

I've tried letting things pile up but then it just looks bad on me. What can I do?


Asked by michelleleea2 at 11:12 AM on Jun. 20, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (10)
  • I understand completely where your coming from, I work full time I also have a few home businesses, a 3 yr old and sometimes he forgets that I AM wonder woman.

    What I have done, and its works for me…. I fold the laundry and I leave it folded in the dinning room table, the next day I put it away. He can see how much stuff I folded and then the next day… he sees a difference in how organized the dinning room looks.
    When he asks me how was my day… I answer him, and the shoot him a “I cooked, I cleaned the bathrooms, gave our son a bath, etc”, for some people it might sound crazy that I have to verbally give him a list of things, but if I don’t, he assumes that the house, the food, the laundry, the grocery shopping, etc gets done by itself

    Answer by sara76c at 11:19 AM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • You can write down all you do durring the day or let him take a day like saturday and tell him you are off so he has to do all that you do. make sence. I have this problem too, dh is always say well at least you get to be home and sit around or watch tv whenever you want, haha so far from that i not even know half the shows that people talk about that are on. if its not cartoons then i am clueless. lol good luck

    Answer by mommylee21 at 11:20 AM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • only by communicating to him in a loving non threatning way will he recieve anything you have to say about what you do all day. Chances are he is overwhelmed with work, my husband is always so busy and has so much on his mind, that he tends to see the things that I do not as important as his work. I use to get upset and start fights about that, but I have learned that I know what I am doing has a significant impact on our household and family, and that it doesn't really matter what he thinks,

    Answer by BreakingFree at 11:27 AM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • I mean I want him to be happy and feel comfortable in his own home, but as long as I am providing what he needs (may not be always to his expectation level) and he is still fussing then it is his problem and I just try and talk with him, not fight, and tell him that I am doing the best that I can do.. I do however try and stay open to suggestions from him, cause sometimes he really comes up with good ones that have worked.. men are problem solvers by nature, I don't think they mean to try and "fix" but that is how they communicate it...

    Answer by BreakingFree at 11:27 AM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • I am not as nice as the above gals ! I have gone on Mommy strike (minus keeping the kids clean and fed). Its amazing how *my* dh then noticed just what I do!

    Answer by New2WAHJ at 11:29 AM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • Communicatin works, but my husband learned first hand what I do all day when he had vacation. For a whole week, he saw what I did, try to offer help and honestly I didn't want his help. I did it all on my own for so long. He realized what I did everyday was just as important as what he did. He never ever complained again and he also apologized.

    Answer by Lainee21106 at 11:32 AM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • i quit doing EVERYTHING besides taking care of my DD, and making sure she had a clean place to play..and we both (me and her) had what we needed.
    after about 4 days of SO having nothing to eat his food on, no homecooked meals, no clean clothes, a crappy looking bathroom...and me not doing anything for him....he got the picture

    Answer by kelcee_eric_bry at 1:06 PM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • Communication is key! Here is my story:
    I am a SAHM and I work from home as well. Plus taking care of our 1yr old and the house. It leaves little time for anything. Hubby never understood how much work there actually is. He works from home 1 day a week, but always just went into the office and therefore, wasn't "really" at home. Then I had to go on an overnight business trip and he stayed home with our little one, thinking he could do the work-from-home thing too. It was then that he realized just how much I do and he changed. He helps me where he can, doesn't complain if I ask for help, when he works from home, he'll help where he can and work in the living room and not the office. It's just gotten a million times better.
    So, try talking to him and try to explain, without complaining or yelling, that your job as a mom at home is just as hard as any other job. See if he'd like to switch for a day. It worked for us :)
    Good luck!

    Answer by Mommy2Riley at 2:51 PM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • I am sure mine is not a popular opinion, but do you really know what your husband does at work all day? When I was a SAHM that was my job. My husband worked all day so that I could stay at home. I did not expect him to do anything when he came home other than spend time with the kids. The house was always clean, kids taken care of and dinner on the table when he came home. Maybe I just have a different perspective than most. My husband was perfectly fine with me leaving a really well paying job that meant us doing without many things we were accustomed to so that I could stay at home when our daughter was little. I felt the least I could do was my fair share while he worked.

    Answer by AKEllen at 12:08 AM on Jun. 21, 2008

  • AKEllen I love your answer. Bravo. SAHM's are women choosing to work INSIDE the home...and it's THE hardest job on the planet. Just a bit underpaid.

    Answer by traciesbw0101 at 3:00 PM on Jun. 21, 2008