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How do I handle my BF's 4 year old daughter?

She is great with me alone. When her father comes around she is a whiney brat. She knows how to work him up & I have told him plenty of times that he needs to put his foot down. Discipline her so she knows her boundaries.
Lately she's been very rude to me, every time she comes from her Mom's. She told me the other day to get out of her house & to go sleep outside. Then later she shoved her foot on my face! I was very upset & explained patiently that she was not being nice!!
After her father had a talk with her she apologize like 20 times that night, I seen she felt bad. I just dont understand if she's just getting older & knowing now or if her Mom is telling her things. I mean the Mom still wants him back & it's been 4 years now.
Any advise would be great!

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:28 PM on Mar. 26, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (7)
  • She certainly needs to be corrected however I wouldn't take her hostility towards you personal. She's still very young and could possibly be acting out towards you because she's confused on "your role" in her life. Try to put yourself in her shoes and how confusing everything must be for her. Be patient with her but she needs to be corrected and disciplined if it continues.

    Answer by BubNSoap at 7:32 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • tell him to control his kid or your outta there. You don't need the extra stress and bull crap.

    Answer by kaysha at 7:32 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • Your SO needs to talk to his ex. If she wants him back and/or doesn't like you, that's her perogative. However, you should never poison a child against someone purposely. Children are smart enough to figure out whether or not someone is a good or bad person on their own. She doesn't need her mother influencing her and making her unhappy about you being in her dad's life. Your SO needs to talk to his ex about communicating her feelings in other ways INSTEAD OF though an innocent child. Why people want to involve their children in their adult drama is beyond me.

    Other than that, you can't do much but tell her you love her and she hurts your feelings when she does that. She naturally wants to please her parents. If her mom openly does not like you she probably feels that she's pleasing her mom when she acts out against you.

    Answer by NovemberLove at 8:00 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • If I were you honestly, I would be the nicest thing to her, and see how that works. If she asks for something reasonable then let her have it. Let her know that anything her mother MAY BE telling her is NOT true. Don't give her a reason not to like you. If you have to discipline her for whatever reason, afterwards make sure she knows that shes not a bad girl she just wasn't doing so nice things. Make her feel wanted and important, to prove her mother wrong. Good luck =]

    Answer by mommykayti at 8:09 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • BTW i didn't mean DIRECTLY tell her that her mom is lying (if in fact she IS saying things about you) I meant it by SHOWING her with actions that her mom is lying. sorry if that confused you!!!!

    Answer by mommykayti at 8:10 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • Your bf needs to control and discipline his child. He also needs to talk to biomom about what she may be saying, the daughter is old enough to understand and may be getting ideas from mommy. You know, if you are mad "susie" will go away and we can be a family with daddy. That type of thing. Just show the daughter that you are nice and aren't going anywhere. Leave the major buld of discipline to dad. If she hits you, destroys something or is with you alone, then you discipline her. Spend time with her doing fun things..reading, shopping, walks, going to the park. Make her feel wanted and loved by you and by dad.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 8:44 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • he needs to get some discipline. you cant do anything about her BM so, just do your best to focus on your house. also, you should be able to discipline her even when he is home, and you both should be on the same page for discipline so that he can back you up if she starts trying to go to daddy to save her. make sure you show her lots of love and do fun things, but you can't allow them to walk all over you. i have two SKs. I have been with my SO since May 2007. the youngest is now 5 he was just over 3 when I came around. We have a GREAT relationship. the oldest is 8. She was 6 almost 7. Our relationship is not as close but I think between her being a girl and being extra mommy's girl. it takes work and your BF has to back you and you have to back him.

    Answer by aly38914290 at 9:09 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

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