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SOns teacher just called and I am pissed...

So apparently my son has been in the prinicpals office all last week for lunch and recess and so far all this week for hitting other kids. My son is 8 years old and has not been taught this. This has been a problem for some time now and I am looking for help from some other moms. What can I do? My husband and I have tried all kinds of punishments and nothing has worked so far. I just dont know what to do and it has become very upsetting and frustrating. I almost want to send him to live somewhere else. Does anyone have any advice please.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:20 PM on Mar. 26, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • Have you been showing him attention at home? Have you asked him about his behavior- is there something bothering him? A lot of children act out for attention. When they do it at school, it usually means they don't get the attention at home.
    Haidens_Mama

    Answer by Haidens_Mama at 8:27 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • Whatever you do, don't spank him. Defeats the purpose of teaching him not to hit. I didn't have that problem with my son. I would take things away that he enjoys. Keep talking to him about not hurting people that it is wrong and unacceptable. Tell him that if he keeps hurting his friends they will not be his friends anymore and he will not have any friends. Make him apologize to anyone he hurts. Also, find out why he is hitting. Is he being bullied at school, is there an underlying issue going on with him? An evaluation by his doctor or a counselor may help find out why he is hitting.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 8:30 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • Ask him why he is hitting and why he thinks it's okay to hurt others. If hitting is a form of punishment that you use on him this maybe why he is hitting. At 8 years old I find that strange behavior for that age, sorry. You need to find something that's going to work. Maybe have him talk to a counselor or someone. Also, sending him to live w/someone else isn't going to solve this problem.
    mamaada

    Answer by mamaada at 8:41 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • Even if you spanked, he would not think it was okay to hit someone becuase he was spanked. Ugh.

    However, I would try to find out the circumstances surrounding the incidence. I would want to know everything going on at school - friends, non-friends, etc. Is he struggling academically? Does he have troubles at home? It could very well be an attention thing. Has there been any changes in his life? Any trauma? Any changes in your life? Financial, Jobs, fighting between you and hubby? Anything. How long has this been going on?

    These are questions I would look to answer. I would also, try talking to him about what is going on. Not right when he is getting in trouble, but like before bedtime or something when you have his complete attention and he knows that he has yours. Also, I would talk to the school counselor if you haven't already. I would also, think about taking him a couselor.
    aly38914290

    Answer by aly38914290 at 8:48 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • there have been no changes at home at all. we also dont hit our children. now i admit we have tried it to see if that worked but it obviously didnt so we found no point in continuing that kind of punishment. i have had him tested for add/adhd but he does not have it. he does great academically. the only thing I can think of may be an attention issue. we have one other son who is 5. we are all pretty busy each night so we dont spend too much personal time together. basically homework, dinner, shower and bed daily. I just dont have an idea what his problem is but this has been going on since k-garden and I am becoming overwhelmed.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:02 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • try putting a family night together. order pizza & play a board game... on the weekends try taking them to places they will both enjoy. the zoo, childrens museums...
    maybe dad needs to have some daddy & son time playing basketball or xbox or whatever they will both enjoy doing together..
    good luck.
    MommaTasha1003

    Answer by MommaTasha1003 at 9:12 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • What are the circumstance surrounding the hitting? Is it always when they are in line, always in the cafeteria or gym? Some kids with sensory integration issues will hit others if they get too close to them, touch them, or are too loud around them. Basically, kids with these issues perceive sensory experiences very differently. So a brush against the arm could actually be painful. Has he been evaluated by an occupational therapist? You can request an evaluation and they can tell you if they see a SI problem. There could very well be a developmental issue going on here and not that he's just being a "bad kid" who gets sent to the principals office. Incidentally, if he has some of these sensory issues, the nice quiet office is probably a respite from a loud class. I'd also be curious to know if there are other symptoms that you see. There is plenty of info out there on Sensory Integration, just google. Good luck!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:13 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • The sensory integration is a good suggestion. Another possibility is if he is being bullied at lunch or recess he is hitting to get sent to the principles office away from the bully.

    BTW kids who are spanked WILL hit others to get them to do what they want because that is what they have learned. My nephew actually said that one day when he was 4 years old in preschool he asked a kid to get off his backpack twice then hit him because he didn't move and when the teacher said "we don't hit people" he said "we do if they don't listen!" So a little spank to get your kid to listen DOES go a long way in teaching them how to get people to listen!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:20 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

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