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Ever done something mid-argument that you sort of regret but also feel justified in doing?

I had an argument with dh, while I was browning some ground beef. He approached me and proceeded to scream in my face while I'm standing over a hot pan, and poked me in the head (in the temple to be exact). So I hit him with the rubber spatula I was cooking with. It had a small amount of grease on it, and it was definitely warm.. not scalding.. the stove was only on medium.. and it's rubber after all. I feel guilty for doing it and responding the way I did, but at the same time I feel like he instigated it, and poked me in the head assuming I wouldn't respond and he would get away with it.I feel like he needs to know that he is accountable for his actions. If he did that to a stranger a fight would ensue.. he should know better than to do it to his wife. I'm not going to put up with intimidation, I may be little but I fight back. Have you ever done something you regret but feel justified in doing at the same time?

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:50 PM on Mar. 26, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • Omg.. for some reason I can't get a scene from I love Lucy out of my head when I just read your post. You don't sound real enraged over the fact that you were arguing and he put his hands on you at all, so your post can be taken the wrong way because I know I chuckled a bit. I agree with you 100% that he should be accountable for his actions. Did you swat him with the spatula out of self defense or anger? I think you two should sit down and make a "walk away" rule when discussing heated topics because neither one of you should "touch" each other in a bad way while arguing.


    Answer by legalmommy101 at 8:56 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • My fiance through a bottle of Dr. Pepper and hit me in the face so in return I threw a lit cigarette and hit him on the arm. It burned him a lot worse then I thought it would and i felt really bad but he shouldn't have thrown the Dr. Pepper at my face.. We weren't fighting and in the end we laughed about it..But I still feel bad every time I see the small scar on his arm...LoL

    Answer by TaterNJo0sMommy at 8:57 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • Both. I was angry, but I did it directly after he poked me in the head. He was angry because I told him he can't be a part-time parent. I realize he works but it doesn't mean he gets "time off" from being a parent when he comes home. He works 8 hours a day, and I'm with the child for 24 hours. I'm ok with the roles of a household, but it doesn't mean he can "direct" from the couch while I'm standing in the kitchen cooking. So I called him out and told him what I thought. He didn't like it and poked me in the head, so I hit him with the greasy spatula in the head. No I'm not heartbroken over it. I regret acting foolishly, and responding innapropriately, but I also feel that if he believes he can behave this way and get away with it he's sorely mistaken. You hit me, I hit you back. Intimidation doesn't work with me. In a way I find it comical, but I feel guilty for trying to justify my actions. Does that make sense?

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:02 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • I should also add that he did walk away directly after that and refused to speak to me, even after I told him dinner was on the stove, he's welcome to it.. and when he's ready to be rational and play nice we both can apologize. But apparently he's still sulking about having to wash the grease from his hair.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:07 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • Or he's embarrassed that he got bitch smacked with a spatula for being stupid! I understand where you are coming from. When the time is right talk things over and shake it off. Tomorrow is another day.


    Answer by legalmommy101 at 9:12 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • "Or he's embarrassed that he got bitch smacked with a spatula for being stupid!"

    LOL that thought occurred to me too, because he walked away without saying a word. No irrate screaming, no curse words, nothing. He just walked into the bathroom, I heard the water run, he walked into the bedroom, and has said about 3 words in the last 2 hours. I was angry at first, but felt vindicated about my response. The more time that passes, the more I find it comical..he's walked by and seen me smirking as I type this, and seems rather annoyed. Honestly I don't know how to give a convincing apology when I'm smiling and giggling about the incident.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:21 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • That is so funny. You go girl! He tried and failed to intimidate you - good job! I remember one time I threw the spatula when my ex husband was acting something like that. It broke the window (completely unexpected) but I just shrugged and told him he was lucky I threw it that way and not AT him. LOL I think he was wrong to be in your face screaming and to poke you in the temple. He seems to have a anger problem and you have to stand your ground and not take it. If it gets any worse - think of leaving because as it turned out my ex just got worse and worse and I am happily divorced. Keep on standing strong.

    Answer by nannabart at 9:37 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • I'm very surprised, I thought I'd get bashed for posting this... thus the reason I posted anon. I figured someone would chime in with the "that's abuse" comments.

    He does have an anger issue, but I grew up in a household where there was a LOT of arguing... and I've learned from those experiences. I may be a woman, and I may be smaller than he is, but I'll be damned if I'm going to lie down and take it. He may be stronger, or quicker, or get in more "licks" than I do, but I'll damned if I'm going to stand there and do nothing. I saw him coming at me, I had a spatula in hand, then so be it.. the spatula is what I'll use lol. I figure eventually he'll figure it out that I fight back, or he'll be angry that I fight back and it will escalate to the point where I'll leave, or he'll leave because I'm "too strong willed". Either way I'm not putting up with the intimidation. Plain and simple.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:51 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • A simple "don't do that again" would have sufficed. If the police had been called (if it escalated) you both would have been arrested bc you hit him back. Now that you are not armed, maybe you can tell him not to touch you in a harmful way. He could have done damage pushing your temple like that.

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:00 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

  • And there it is.. I knew it was coming...I've tried that whole "Please don't physically harm or abuse me" therapy bull crap. And it doesn't work for him. His reasoning is that I should shut up and it's my fault for voicing any discontent in the first place. He claims I shouldn't have made him angry, that I "made him react that way" etc. He claims I should learn to "shut the hell up" so that doesn't happen to begin with. Now I realize it takes two to tango, but that attitude has got to go. I have no idea if he treated his ex's this way, but that man WILL learn he will NOT treat me this way, or he will have his ass handed to him.. via a greasy spatula. I agree that both of us going to jail would be bad, but really what do you do when one of you is being relatively adult and the other is not?

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:19 PM on Mar. 26, 2009

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