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two mommys?? HELP

i was dropping my daughter off for daycare today (which happens to be at the OTHER grandparents house) and daddy and his gf came in shortly before i left. I was tell my daughter to say bye to mommy, and she proceded to look straight at daddys gf and say "bye mommy"

My daughter is almost 2 and this is not the only time i have caught this happening. A couple weeks ago i was with liz and we saw daddy and walked to where he was and when we left, he told her to say "bye to mom---nicole", he acted like it was a slip but im pretty sure they have her calling the gf mommy when liz is at his house...

Is this normal or typical OR is it nicoles way of trying to feel like the mommy even tho she isnt? They are pregnant right now and liz will be around her lil sibling as it calls nicole mommy, but that doesnt mean liz has to to right?

Does anyone else think nicole is telling my 2 year old to call her mommy too or am i just crazy?

Answer Question

Asked by bananaapplepie at 12:01 PM on Mar. 27, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

Level 5 (62 Credits)
Answers (21)
  • She mite be. You can always sit down and talk with your LO about it, explaining that youre her mommy. Or, if you are on civil terms with her father, you could talk to him about it and he could correct her when this happens. I can see how that mite break your heart :(

    Answer by serioussifL at 12:06 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • I would think that if they are serious about becomeing a family (with a new baby and all) that it would be normal for your daughter to call her mommy... In essence she is her step mom and at 2 your daughter isn't really old enough to know better or to call her by her name. I would look at it as a good thing. I know you feel as if your toes are being tramped on but at least you know that should anything ever happen to you (Gods Forbid) that your little girl is going to have a family and a mother to care for her as a part of the family and not as "the step child." My parents split when I was only 14mos old, and my mother was remarried when I was 3. I have always called him my dad. And still do, even though I wish he wasn't, he was like a father to me - this woman is in the same place that he was. She's the third wheel in your girls life and although she has a position of "step mom" it's still a complicated situation.

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 12:12 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • cont... If you have real issue with this woman being called mom, then I would suggest you all sit down together and figure out something else. MeMa or MeeMee instead of Mommy. Some thing that will still show that this woman is in a mother roll without her having all the glory of being MOMMY...

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 12:14 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • I don't think there is a right and wrong answer on this. My kids do call both their stepdad and biodad "dad", and my SD calls both me and her mom "mom". They do know the difference, and are comfortable having two of each and I think it makes them feel very loved to have a mommy and a daddy at each home. If it did make a bioparent uncomfortable, I think it's also reasonable to suggest coming up with a special pet name instead of mommy. But I really am not threatened by this with my biokids calling their stepmom "mom". I'll always be their mom, and it doesn't detract from our relationship that they do so.


    Answer by riotgrrl at 12:16 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • i don't know, honestly. I like what Sabrina suggested, though:

    "if you have real issue with this woman being called mom, then I would suggest you all sit down together and figure out something else"

    When DH and I were first married, his ex made it clear that they were not to call me mom, momma, mommy or any form of it. Of course, then she was still a little bitter . . . now she and I are good friends (three years later) and the kids call me Jennifer most of the time, but every now and then slip and call me mom. We are all (including their mom) now okay with this - simply because when they are here I AM their mom. However, your situation may be different.

    Are you uncomfortable with her calling her mom? Ask yourself why. Do you feel threatened by his new wife? Do you have some deep jealousy issues? If you ARE truly uncomfortable with it, then by all means they should know. Just know that you can't stop it from . . .

    Answer by jennijune_21 at 12:20 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • . . . (cont.)

    . . . going on, since it's not your house, and really you can't have any control over what goes on over there.

    Just remember to put yourself in the situation and ask what YOU would feel like being the second wife. Would YOU be more comfortable with her calling you mom? Remember - M.O.M. can stand for "My Other Mother".

    And maybe, again as Sabrina mentioned, they can find another alternative to call her rather than momma or mommy (which I believe should only be reserved for their true birth mom).

    Good luck!

    Answer by jennijune_21 at 12:27 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • I am not sure the previous posts are reading the OP right. The dad and the girlfriend are not married. In my opinion, the gf is not mom ... not yet anyway and it is too confusing for a 2 yr old to be doing that. You really need to talk to the dad and say this is too soon. She is only 2 and adjusting to not having a father around. Yes even at 2 yrs old it is traumatic for them to have these kinds of changes . I agree to the sitting down and finding a less awkward approach to what to call the gf.

    Answer by Shaneagle777 at 12:38 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • Personally, I don't think her calling anyone other than you "mommy" is a good idea. At least at this age and at this stage of the game. She's only 2, so she's too young to seperate "real" mommies from "step" mommies... and since she his daddy's "girlfriend" (pregnant or not), who's to say she'll be around forever? Losing a "mommy" is going to be far more traumatic than losing a "nicole".

    I'd put my foot down on this one. Now...if they stay together & live happily ever after... and your daughter decides she wants to call her "mom" when she's a little older & able to comprehend the whole situation --- cool. Until that time, though....... nu-uh.

    Answer by Laura1229 at 12:40 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • I realize they aren't married but she is taking the role of step mommy... And that should be respected married or not. There are many moms and dads that aren't married but they are still mom and dad, in this situation it's a step mom but she's still in that position so it needs to be seen that way. They are making a family together, now weather they are married or not they are a family and she is in the role of wife and mother in his eyes and I'm sure in the eyes of a 2 year old. A 2 year old doesn't know enough to understand marriage, all she knows it that daddy has a woman that lives with him and that acts like a mommy when she goes to visit... In the eyes of a 2yo she is wife and mommy and that respect needs to be upheld!

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 12:43 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • I completely agree with Sabrina. Does this actually bother you? Or would you be alright with another "mommy" in the picture? They (your ex and his gf) may not be thinking it bothers you (in all honesty) and so if it does, then yeah, talk to them about it and come up with a title you all can be proud of. But also as Sabrina said, with your daughter only being 2, it may just be easier and less confusing to let the mommy thing go.

    Answer by jenettyshome at 12:45 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

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