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How do you stop yo chid from throwing a fit

My 3 year old son loves go to his grandpas house... dont get me wrong i love the break. but when its time for him to come home he cries screams, bites, scraches, wets himself holds on to anything he can get a hold of!!! its like im kidnapping him its so terrible . i have tried to put him i the corner take away his toys, talking to him i even tried spanking.nothing works. what is else is there to do. im out of ideas. if any one has anything that might work im willing to try anything.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:07 PM on Mar. 27, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (9)
  • I would talk to him before you even take him to grandpa's house. Tell him that he is not allowed to behave that way and if he does it again, you're not going to take him over there any more. Explain it to him until he says that he understands. Have grandpa back you up too. The minute your son walks through the door, grandpa should tell him "mommy will be here to get you at (insert time here). You need to leave like a good boy when mommy comes and gets you or you won't be allowed at grandpa's house anymore." When it gets close to when you will pick him up, grandpa should remind him that you will be here soon so he needs to prepare himself for going home. If he tantrums, ignore him like he isn't going anything and just drag him out. Patronizing him and giving him attention for his behavior is exactly what he wants. I'd still keep taking his toys away etc..what you're already doing. (cont.)
    NovemberLove

    Answer by NovemberLove at 3:15 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • Does he only throw these fits when its time to leave Grandpa's house?
    lathena

    Answer by lathena at 3:15 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • I would also skip the next visit to grandpa's house so you can show him you're good on your word "we're not going to grandpa's house today because you didn't behave last time and didn't obey mommy." We'll try it again next week and if you throw another fit, we'll keep missing more visits.

    Sounds harsh? Maybe, but biting, wetting yourself, scratching and screaming when you're told to do something is unacceptable behavior. My parents would have broke a spoon over my butt if I did that (I'm not exaggerating either lol). Good luck!
    NovemberLove

    Answer by NovemberLove at 3:17 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • Maybe it's a transition issue? If he could get a 10 minute, 5 minutes, and 2 minute warning that it's time to leave, it might help.

    What do I do when mine pitches a fit? I let her. She has a calm-down/time-out spot. If she starts pitching a fit, I carry her there and leave her. Within minutes she is calm and ready to talk. She HATES being put on her mat.
    kaycee14

    Answer by kaycee14 at 4:33 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • I agree with kaycee14. We do the count down too. It has eliminated almost all meltdowns for bed, etc. for our 4 year old.
    MommaM2

    Answer by MommaM2 at 5:05 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • I would give him a 5 minute warning that you will be leaving, a 2 minute warning and so on. That way it's not a sudden change. A timer can really help too. You can set the timer and when it dings you can say "The timer says it's time to go home so we can get some dinner" (or whatever you plan to do at home). If he still throws a fit, I would simply take him kicking and screaming. If he wets himself, I would ignore it and put a towel down in his car seat. He may be doing that to buy more time at Grandpas house while you change him. Hope that helps!
    TessaBianca

    Answer by TessaBianca at 5:06 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • kaycee14 & tessabianca both have it right - I give mine countdown warnings; you have 15 mins; you have 10 mins; you have 5 mins; few more minutes; it's almost time; it's time...

    Also telling them in advance when I say this we have to do that; and make them agree - OK MaMa or Yes MaMa, etc...then remind them about that when it's actually time...

    Also I usually bribe mine - I know terrible; but hey it works - Mom walks us out to the car and gives each girl a nilla wafer or other small cookie as their going home treat; and I tell them all about what we're going to do when we get home - and if she's pitching a fit; well mine aren't quite that bad; but I acknowledge that they are upset and what they are upset about and apologize that they feel that way BUT x, y, z - and we'll be back at ____ time (tomorrow; next week etc)

    beachmamaof2

    Answer by beachmamaof2 at 5:13 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • If we're home I ignore tantrums; walk around them as if I can't see or hear them, etc...or make fun of them which usually distracts them from whatever they WERE made about to being mad at me which is easy to solve when I stop laughing at them - now they've forgotten why they were originally mad and go about their biz
    beachmamaof2

    Answer by beachmamaof2 at 5:14 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • The countdown thing works, as well as Grandpa saying that he can't come back if he is going to treat his Mom like that, and that would be really disappointing. We have a no negotiations rule, I do not negotiate with terrorists (tantrums are terrifying) or whinners, they both know it. Also, ask when that behavior has ever gotten them what they want (hopefully it hasn't!)

    Good luck!
    Iheartmamahood

    Answer by Iheartmamahood at 8:54 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

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