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Was I asking for it?

Okay, so a couple nights ago my husband and I were having a few drinks. Lately I've noticed he hasn't been that interested in me. So I asked him if he was interested in anyone else. And after beating around the bush he admitted he likes a girl at work. One thing that really worries me is that I saw her today for the first time, and she is not his type at all.. (or so I thought.) So I'm thinking it might be more of an emotional attatchment rather than a physical one.
It's not like he cheated on me or anything, I just feel really insecure about myself now. I've told him this , but then he just gets sad.. I don't want to dig myself any deeper. We have a great relationship, but I've been crying while I'm by myself everyday now since I found out..
Should I just let it go? I just want to know if any of you have had a crush on someone other than your husband.. or if this is a red flag.. thanks.


Asked by Anonymous at 3:20 PM on Mar. 27, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Most women will tell you that a man having an emotional attachment to another woman is worse than having just a sexual relationship. People can have no strings attached sex but when someone has developed an emotional attachment to someone else it's a huge red flag. Seek therapy ASAP for you both. Men won't leave a good marriage for a screw but they will leave a good marriage when they are deeply emotionally involved with someone else.


    Answer by legalmommy101 at 4:08 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • I think it's a red flag. Not necessarily saying your marriage is over. But it does mean that you have some things you need to work on together. Is he willing to try couple's counseling?

    Answer by DDry at 3:23 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • Um...Yes. And it was always when we were disconnected in some way during our relationship. I think it's normal to be physically attracted to someone but if you are emotionally attracted then things are not as good as you think they are at home.

    Answer by NJMom2Tyler at 3:23 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • I think maybe red flag. We all have crushed but to actually think enoughabout what could happen that you are telling your wife? Thats a bit much, I would maybe try counseling. And maybe hubby find another job.

    Answer by AK_aries at 3:31 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • Yes I agree with the above.. definitely a red flag.. I think the guy at the meat counter at the grocery store is incredibly hot, but I would never act on any impulse. This could be an indication of things going down in the marriage and think about what would be the best step for the both of you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:46 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • MAYDAY MAYDAY! RED FLAGS EVERYWHERE!!!! Time to have a serious chat about things, m'dear.

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 3:57 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • In the book Why Men Cheat, it's not about sex (physical) it's about how the OW makes him feel. Just bc she's not his "type" doesn't mean she doesn't rock his emotional world so perhaps you need to take this more seriously that it JUST being an emotional attachment.. Men have left wives for just that, a good emotional attachment. I'm not trying to upset you more, just letting you know it should be taken seriously and you should talk to him and tell him to cut it out. That's what you are for, his emotional support, not her.

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:10 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • OMG! I can't imagine what that is like. If my husband said he was attracted to a lady at work...I would be crushed. You need to talk to him, tell him how you feel. I think this is serious too. Emotional attached can be just as devistating as him cheating would be.

    Answer by MommaM2 at 4:50 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • Thanks for all of your honest answers.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:46 AM on Mar. 28, 2009