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How do you tell him?

Okay so I'm going to try putting a really long story short and I hope that you guys can help. My S.O. used to be a really great guy I met him when I was 5 months pregnant with my 1st baby. Well she is 18months right now and we just had our 2nd child a week ago, and its something that we both wanted and agreed on and during the pregnancy he was awesome and I didn't have a problem. Now thou he is being really distant and doesn't want anything to do with me or either one of the kids. He works nights so I understand that when he gets home he's tired but he gets home at 8 goes straight to bed and doesn't get up til 9 then leaves at 10. He hasn't been home for 2 days now and it just feels like I'm unwanted and unloved, he says that he still loves and wants to be with me but I have been doing everything on my own and I feel like a single parent. I guess my question is how do I tell him how I feel?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:29 PM on Mar. 27, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Just sit him down and calmly tell him. Try not to make it feel like you are attacking him, then they just clam up! Guys do freak out when their kids are born. They don't know how to handle things and don't realize that you really don't know either.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:34 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • Write him a letter if that is easier. Sometimes men do better when they can read something and read it a couple of times and think things over.

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 6:37 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • Two kids in less than two years? Maybe you need more time to find out what you two really want and think about your futures whether together or apart. Do you both have the same goals/dreams? Sounds like the reality of being a Dad has hit him hard. Wanting something and then having it doesn't always mean the same thing.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:39 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • Depending on your situation try and look at the problem from his point of view. He is working nights and his days are unconventional. Many people try and work crazy hours with the intention that they can spend nights working and days with the family and too often is it realized that people are not machines we require sleep and food and personal connection to be happy and healthy. He may have good intentions but in his mind he may not realized where everything went wrong. Try not to resent him but rather support his effort and you will find the more supportive you are the closer you will grow.
    Mommy3b1g

    Answer by Mommy3b1g at 6:41 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • Yeah I know its really close and I'm not regretting it because I love both of my daughters with all my heart, but now that things have happened I see that we really should have waited. I think it was just because my first daughter isn't a little baby anymore and I think we both wanted that again. I just feel so alone right now
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:43 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • My dad worked nights too, and he did the same thing. It wasn't that he didn't want my mom, but he'd come home and sleep as much as possible and she'd have to make him get up so he wouldn't sleep up until time for work. Our bodies are naturally equipt to sleep at night and wake during the day, and it's hard going against the body's natural process. I'm sure he definitely doesn't want to come home and watch kids and would prefer to go to sleep. If you're a SAHM don't beat yourself up so much over it. Don't try to pressure him in to helping, but just ask him to spend some time with them when he's home or spend some time with you and the kids all at once and you both help each other.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:53 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • I would suggest writing a letter to him, dont just write negative things though. Write down all the things you appreciate him for and why you love him, then write that you feel that he is becoming distant and you miss him. Make sure you say "i feel" not "you are" so it doesnt sound like an accusation, or else he will get defensive. I know this is said alot, but thats because its true: the key to a good relationship is communication!
    Ginanne

    Answer by Ginanne at 10:02 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

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