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Is there a right or wrong??????

Tom and Judy date for a month. The next month she comes back and says- hi , i'm pregnant. She and him briefly talk. see eachother now and then. She goes into labor. He goes to the hospital, she says leave- he stays.-she explains she wants him to have nothing to do with the baby- he leaves angry. she has been dating someone for a while now(john). She files for support against tom. Paternity is set finally when the child is 3. They talk about options of visitation. judy tells tom that she wants john to adopt the child because the child believes that is thier father. Tom says no he wants visitation. This goes on until tom contacts a lawyer and finds out he has legal visitation set up. The child is now 9. Tom has always paid support and wants to see his child. but respects the mother and doesnt want this to get ugly. she still says no. that she knows what is best for her child. but tom feels the child deserves to know.


Asked by Anonymous at 9:46 PM on Mar. 27, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • MommyHess it is not too late!

    I was not in this exact situation, but my Biological father left as soon as he found out that my mom was pregnant. My mom married when I was about 1yr. This man adopted me and he and my mom later had my sister. It wasn't until I was in the 7th grade that I found any of this out. Someone introduced me as the adopted one at my great-grandfather's funeral.

    Yes it will be hard on the child, but the child will find out and need to know. He/she also will be glad to know that his real dad has been trying to be involved in his/her life from the get go. There may need to be some couseling involved, but there will be later when he/she finds out too.

    Tom needs to do everything he can to get involved in his child's life. This is a hard situation, but as a person who does not know my biological father or his family at all, I would want to know. I still want to know more about mine.

    Answer by aly38914290 at 12:46 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • Yes the mother is wrong. If she didn't feel Tom would make a suitable father than she should not have had sex with him. When it comes down to it, sex is procreation. So by having sex with Tom she agreed to put herself at risk of having his baby.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:50 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • It sounds like Tom has always wanted to be a part of HIS child's life. I think it's horrible that she won't let him. I wonder how her child is going to feel about her when the child grows up and realizes mom has kept the father from him/her.

    Answer by Littlebit722 at 9:50 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • If the father wants visitation and he has supported his child through child support then he has the right as a father to see his child. I am sorry, I know I don't know the whole story, but from this, it sounds like Judy is a selfish b*tch.


    Answer by JeremysMom at 9:51 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • The mother is wrong on so many levels. Father has the right to see his child. What a shame the mom kept the kid away from his own blood! Very selfish!
    I wont be suprised if in years the child holds it against his mother & the tide turns.. How would she feel if the kid stops talking to her & connect with daddy!

    Answer by MommaTasha1003 at 9:55 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • The mother is wrong, and she has no right to take his money (sounds like that's all the wants him for). The child will eventually learn the truth and resent his mother for it. All Tom can do is keep paying support and make things clear he wants to see the kid, or be willing to give up rights for the other man to adopt under the condition that all support stops. And I have to agree with Anon 6:50, don't have sex with someone whom you wouldn't want to share a child with. Selfish and stupid girls who allow themselves to get knocked up by (and chose to keep the pregnancy....because there is always a choice and by choosing the have the baby you are forcing that choice on the other person as well) someone they don't want to be their"baby daddy" have no right to keep a baby from their other bio parent, only the court system can take that right away.

    Answer by PROGENITOR at 10:15 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • The mother is wrong. Tom needs to go back to court.

    Answer by NorahSethsMommy at 10:27 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

  • To give visitation at 9 y/o would probaby f*** with the kids head....... But it was wrong before I suppose. Now it's probably a little too late for daddy.

    Answer by MommyHess at 1:08 AM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • the mom is wrong. If Tom paid support since birth and is the biological fathe rthan he has all rights to see his child. Most (I really don't want to say most) but a;lot of men would think that was an ideal situation and here's a man dying to be in his child's life. Sounds like a great man too me and being denied a basic right. The mom is wrong period. Shame on her.

    Answer by pagirl71 at 7:34 AM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • I don't want to know about him specifically because he left, his loss. but I want to know if i have any siblings, what they are like. if his parents even know i exist, etc. there are lots of questions. and i now have my own little baby girl so these questions are more on my mind.

    Answer by aly38914290 at 12:48 PM on Mar. 28, 2009