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what should I do?

I'm engaged to my boyfiend of 4 1/2 years. I'm in school, he works, we have an 8 1/2 month old daughter together. Neither of us have any other drama going on(No baby mammas or daddys). He doesn't smoke, drink, or anything. He takes care of both of us no questions asked. I love him with all my heart. We were supposed to get married last year and then I got pregnant and decided to wait. I kinda feel like we should wait longer. My heart says get married move in and live as a family, my brain says wait until we have a stable situation to make a big move (marriage, co-habitation). He says whatever I want it fine with him(no help). I feel like I'm fighting my self and being pulled in two different directions.


Asked by Anonymous at 12:16 PM on Mar. 28, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (3)
  • Does he live in his own home? Since you've already shared his bed and given him a child, I'm kind of lost in what you're afraid of, but marriage is a very special thing contrary to what some people think and shouldn't be entered if you're not doing it for the right reasons but living together is a whole other thing. Do you have a fear of him leaving you or kicking you out if you live together? Since there's 3 of you, maybe living together would be a good idea to see if the two of you can deal with raising your child together (lot of people discipline different, have different methods, temperments, and patience levels) so it might not be a bad idea to try that before you do commit in marriage. Would help if we knew what was holding you back. It sounds to me like you are afraid and I applaud him for not pushing you in to any decisions because it would backfire later and he's wise to let you move at your pace.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 1:44 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • Maybe wait until you have a stable situation. Make sure your ready financially.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:25 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • Was there something that happened in your past that is causing you to rethink marriage/co-habitation? Did someone leave you whom you were madly in love with and hurt you emotionally? Some people have a fear of committing and being left by the other person due to past experiences.

    If you belong to a church maybe you could speak with a pastor. Is there an aunt or older sister you can openly share your feelings with? You need to talk to someone to figure out what is holding you back from commitment. Maybe you could even see a professional to find out what is hindering you from moving forward with this relationship. If he is a "great guy" as you put it, then you need to figure this out. There is nothing wrong with you, even bride's have "pre-wedding jitters".

    Good luck, I hope it works out for the both of you.

    Answer by CinderAmethyst at 1:20 PM on Mar. 28, 2009