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Is it normal to be really scared when getting ready to adopt kids?

I'm scared that I won't be a good parent, I'm scared I'll be like my mom and regret having children (even though I'm much older than she was) even though I've wanted them deeply for years, and I'm just scared that I might not be making a good decision.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:34 PM on Mar. 28, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (10)
  • I've never adopted, by I was scared to death when I had my twins :) I imagine it's normal.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 4:57 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • It sounds normal to me too. I think most moms go through it at some point. I take the fact that you are worrying about it as a good sign; people who don't get scared by the responsibility, commitment, and sacrifice that comes along with raising children (adopted or biologiical) are the ones I find scary.
    TweenAndTwinMom

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 5:16 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • normal! you'll be great! we are all human.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:57 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • I am 21 and I'm adopting a 4 year old little girl. She's been living with me for 2 years now and we just started the adopting process. I know she's been here a while and we're close and I love her to death but knowing that she's going to be mines for the rest of our lives is scary. I'm scared because what if she grows up and ask why did you take me away from my mom and throws in my face I'm not her biological mom. ...Well my neighbor is an older lady and she adopted 4 children and she said she had the same fears but it never happened like that, They were just thankful to have a mom to be there for them and take care and love them. So, I think it's normal and everythign will be okay!
    HannahLee87

    Answer by HannahLee87 at 6:14 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • I would think so. If you were pregnant you would have the same fears. How a child joins your family doesn't change the fear of a parent.
    teamquinn

    Answer by teamquinn at 7:44 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • I think it is normal. I've never had kids the "usual" way, but I'll bet it's something that all soon-to-be moms go through. I think the fact that you are worried shows that you will be the best mom you can be.
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 11:31 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • We are foster/adopt parents and have had our 2 y/o FS for almost 18 mos, we may get to adopt him this year, and while it is definitely an answer to prayers for us, I also get scared silly about "am I the right mommy for him? Forever? Are you sure, God?" I think it is very normal when you consider the magnitude of this little boy's future being in your hands, the awesomeness of the responsibility, and the joy that God has chosen us out of all the foster parents that he "could" have been placed with (since reunion with his family was not to be.) Good luck to you. And BTW, my sister who has 3 kids always panicked right before delivery about whether she could "do this", but the answer was for her, and is for us, YES, YOU CAN! (Phil. 4:13)

    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 1:48 AM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • It is perfectly normal to be scared. but just the fact that you care enough to bring up your fear shows that you care. Adoption is a life changing experience for not only the child but for you. Being a forever parent is a big responsibility. Just as when you ahve a child you struggle with wondering if you will be a good parent. i wish you much luck in your adoption jouirney
    tcrock02

    Answer by tcrock02 at 10:28 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • Yes. We adopted our daughter at 5 weeks old. She is now 4. Our Gift From God!!!
    But when our adoption counsler showed up at our door with her, I didn't let her out of my sight...well I still don't let her out of my sight LOL I'm sure it is different for each person...each situation is different.
    Our apotion happened a bit different. Alexandra was placed with us and then one week later we met the birth mother. She waived all rights the next day and after one year, once we went to court, the judge signed the birth certificate that we were her birth parents..we took Alexandra to visit her birth mother. Something we promised when we met her. I truely believe God was in total control. I had so many reservations but after letting go and trusting God, I had such a peace.
    A MUST (in my opinion): Keep Journels....I wrote every day for the first two years. I save every letter and card I received from her birth mother.
    Marianne531

    Answer by Marianne531 at 10:33 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • Yes, it is normal, you are making a decision that will affect your life forever, and taking the responsibility of another human being forever, also. Not just for 18 years. We have adopted two boys (brothers age 10-12) from foster care. They are the greatest blessing that we have ever received. I was afraid of messing up and the situation being permanent, but trust your heart. Don't adopt if you have any legitimate reservations (eg. sig. other doesn't want kids, you are lonely/bored). I hope that you have a wonderful life journey with your child, should that be your final answer.
    allboyz2me

    Answer by allboyz2me at 11:03 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

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