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Should I forgive him or get rid of him?

My husband of 12 years cheated on me last year and got a girl pregnant. She had the baby and got mad at him because he did not go around the baby and she told me everything. I already knew that he was cheating on me and had done some investigating on my own. I was waiting for something like that to happen so that I could find out all the details. I went to her house that night and told her how sorry he really was and told her that she could have him. She had another man living with her and said that she didn't want my man, but she didn't feel as if her baby should be hidden. I do see her point, but I was so furious that I was waiting for my husband to get off work and confronted him. I didn't kick him out that night and he asked me for another chance. We have four children together and they really love their father so I did not kick him out. Should I forgive him and get past this or move on? How do I handle this other child?

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Asked by Anonymous at 5:12 PM on Mar. 28, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • you did not say when last year. But if its early last year and you have stayed on up until this time then I don't know why yu want to bring up again. It will be had to forget this incident. I will leave if it were to be me cos once a cheater always a cheater. He can see his kids whenever he wants. He knows he has a family and he still fooled around. If you are not enough for him I don't think you will ever be able to trust him that it will not happen again. All the best.

    Answer by sanab at 5:18 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • Well, if you decide to "keep" him then you should forgive him in the process. It's not the child's fault so since you're a mother, I'd say, treat it like your own. Your husband knew he was married when he had committed adultery. NO mystery there. He needs to be responsible and do the right thing. Keeping a man around who's cheating and can bring an illness back to you, that could take you away from your children, isn't the best idea either. So, be very careful. Besides, adultery is grounds for divorce.

    Answer by SugaB28 at 5:18 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • Oh and in regards to the child i dont see why you should worry about him right now if the mom is responsible. he is the responsibility of your husband.

    Answer by sanab at 5:19 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • Well you have to understand if you decide to keep him, the other child comes with it. You have to ask yourself if you can accept that child, if not you need to let him go. Personally, my dh would be out.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:21 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • Do whats right in your heart. If you know that you cannot forgive him, just end things. It will be hard for you and the kids, but you have to worry about what will make you happy. I have been married for 2 years, and my husband cheated on me only months after we were married. I still cannot get over it and I have tried everything to get over it. We were in counseling, but come to find out it happened during that year. Its better to try and befriend each other for the kids benefit, than to torture yourself in a damaged marriage.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:23 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • I agree, if you take him back you also take back the child too and this other woman for whatever involvement she might have in the future. That child deserves as much support from your husband as your children get. You do what you feel is best for YOU and your kids. If it were me personally, he'd be gone. I will teach my children that I can forgive...but he'd never share a life with me ever again. Forgiveness is a good thing, but it doesn't mean you have to stay with that person.


    Answer by legalmommy101 at 5:31 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • I feel b/c you have 4 children of your own with him you should stay with him for their sake and try to make the best of it. As far as the other child always be nice to him/her. The child did not ask to be put in this situation. The baby is an innocent bystander.  Poor baby.

    Best of luck. I turn to my spirituality in times like this.


    Answer by Anonymous at 5:32 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • Get checked for STDs for sure, including AIDS. Get counseling. I am inclined to terminate the marriage. He cheated once, and he'll do it again, and worse yet, he chose to cheat without taking precautions against pregnancy. He'll be responsible for this child for the rest of his life, not just the child support part of it, but because he is morally obligated to help raise his own child. You'll always wonder if he is cheating again, or when the next baby will be born because of him. You can do better elsewhere.

    Answer by Bmat at 5:38 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • what do you want to do about it? If he's not seeing her it's like having a step child. Can you deal with that and with the monthly child support payments for the next 18 yrs? It's all about what you can put up with.

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:14 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • I have a metric ton of respect for you for going over there and talking with the lady and wanting good things for the other child. I can't imagine your position so I won't try, just wanted to give you some Kudos for being a super classy lady.

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 6:24 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

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