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RE: judy and Tom.. if the child doesnt know??

The mother refuses to tell the 9 year old father, even though the child has judy's maiden name instead of her married name which the other siblings( half siblings) have. The child thinks the other man is the father. and judy says it is her choice. because tom has never had visitation. though has always paid child support. Is it better to let it be, even if the father feels the child should know? or sign over rights? or continue to pay support so the child knows he wanted to be there? Tom feels the child should know, and he had a similair experience, and says he would have wanted to know. last question on this subject.. sorry :) just trying to get other opinions. this is so sensitive and so important to do right!!!


Asked by Anonymous at 6:31 PM on Mar. 28, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

This question is closed.
Answers (3)
  • I hacvent seen any of the other posts you are refering to and dont know the whole story, but my oldest is being adopted my his dad (bio dad doesnt have anything to do with him at all) and he knows that he has a bio dad. If nothing else when he is an adult and has any medical questions that havce to do with family history he needs to know his blood line. But also because I wasnt going to lie to him about where he came from and who he is. He is old enough to know where babies come from (the G rated version at lease, daddy put ababy in mommy's tumy) and he knows that another man put him in my belly to grow but that his dad is who loves him and takes care of him. Dont lie to your kid, it will only get harder and harder to tell him the longer you wait.

    Answer by AK_aries at 6:53 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • it's better for the child to know the truth at least by this age. Finding out from a kid at school would be far worse. As a kid I had things kept from me and it really hurt me and my parents.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:35 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • The child isn't stupid. If he has another man's last name he is aware he has a dad by that name. The father has rights and one is to be a part of a child's life if he's paying child support. She cant' stop that. Does the father have the means to get an attorney to establish visitation? If not, try legal aid but he has the right to see the boy so yes the child should be told. He's old enough to know if he wants to get to know his bio dad. What made him think he had to pay all that money and get nothing in return? If she told him that, she was lying. He has the same rights to the boy that she does.

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:15 PM on Mar. 28, 2009