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When my step daughter can't get her way she blames me.

I have been married for almost three years, their bm past about nine years. when my husband disipline her for things that she has done, she says that he has change because of me. She is 17, don't want to be told what to do, just want to do whatever she wants to do. I told my husband that she needs some help, he needs to help her deal with her death. She says she hate me, and she don't want to live here anymore. Mind you, I don't do the disciplining he do. I'm thinking that she will never accept me, which is okay, but sometimes she wants love from me, that is to hugs, lay on my shoulder, the kind of love that a mother shows her child. Then when she can't have her way then she turns agaisnt me. How can I continue to show and give her love, Then she turns agaisnt me, HELP!!!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:16 PM on Mar. 28, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • She sounds like all teenagers. They all act like that. Keep giving her love and support, she needs it. She probably needs to know that no matter what she throws at you that you aren't going anywhere. Children at all ages can have abandonment issues when a parent dies. They will even try to push people away because then they don't have to worry about losing that person. Be strong and firm but loving and she will grow up and you will see what a great job you did with her. Good Luck and Have patience.
    nannabart

    Answer by nannabart at 9:08 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • She's hurting and misses her mom. You are right, she needs help grieving over the loss of her mom. Where would she go if she didn't live with you and dad? Will she graduate soon so she can go live at college? Is there family she can live with?
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:20 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • She needs to get some sort of counsiling, to help her deal w/ her mothers death, she is young and confused and I am sure she misses her very much, I think the best thing for you to do is just be her shoulder to cry on and help her out with things when she needs it, as far as her blaming you that I think is probably a natural reaction from any teenager, I did it my sister did it, because at that age you just dont or understand the real reasons as to why you cannot always have your own way
    hautemama83

    Answer by hautemama83 at 8:27 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • admckenzie, Her auntie dont come over only on birthdays or some special days. this her mother sister, but if she keep her overnight, we have to pay her. I asked my husband, why is she not closer to them, she has older sister and brother, they are coping much better, its the younger child that cause all the problems. her bm mother don't want to be bother too much. In the beginning, i asked him about this, he says they always been this way.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:32 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • She's treating you like every teenager treats their biological Mom at that age. Don't sweat it...ok I never treated my Mom like that. However, most teens I've ever known treat their parents like that at that age. She needs to deal with her mother's death but the rest I think comes with the age.

    Navymama

    Answer by Navymama at 8:40 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

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