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healing a marriage

I made a terrible mistake and I cheated on my husband with another man. I felt/feel awful and I didn't want to have a marriage based on lies, so I decided to tell him the truth even though I knew he might leave. To make a long story short, he has decided not leave but he is very hurt and angry. I was wondering if anyone knows what I can do to make the sitution somewhat better, at least as much as I can get. NO BASHING PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:16 PM on Mar. 28, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • The only thing you can do to make it better is to answer questions the best you can but ask him if he's sure he wants the truthful answer because he might not like it. Don't tell him it was his fault (even if you felt justified in what you did at that time), but tell him that you felt a certain way and you made bad choices. Some would depend on who it was with, the circumstances, how long it lasted and of course if it was full blown affair or if you were texting some guy. I heard one guy say "what pissed me off the most was she cut me off sexually but was giving it to him". I didn't understand that, but you're going to have to rebuild trust, and when he checks up on you and has questions even tho it hurts, answer them and don't get mad, you'd do the same thing and so would I. I think that 40 Day Dare from Fireproof is a great idea! Watch the movie together
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 12:41 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • Have you and your husband tried talking to a professional marriage councelor?
    Tikismom

    Answer by Tikismom at 10:20 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • Go get some couseling. for both of you. And dont expect him to be over this in a month. Its going to take a long time and alot of work for him to trust you again. Its possible to save your marraige but you are both going to have to work hard at it.
    abbynzachsmommy

    Answer by abbynzachsmommy at 10:20 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • Tell him that you know what you have done is wrong and if he has lost some trust in you then be respectful of that and accept it. You'll regain that trust after you've shown him that you'll be faithful. Show him how sorry you are and how much you love him by doing simple gestures such as making him his favorite dinner or pleasuring him just the way he likes it. It may take a long time for him to recover and he may be more suspecting about everything that you do but just accept it and let it be because remember you made a mistake and now you have to go through this with him.
    youngmom3525

    Answer by youngmom3525 at 10:22 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • well you will have to understand that there isn't any trust anymore you've broken that, so I would start off with not getting upset or close up when he starts asking questions like, how many times did it happen and where and when and what not. Just answer truthfully. It's going to take a long time to heal that hurt. I think it's great of you to come clean and it shows you truely want things to work and that you love your husband. Good luck. oh yea and I would also consider suggesting to him marrige counseling. it will show him you are very serious to take steps in the right direction
    luvsgriffin

    Answer by luvsgriffin at 10:23 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • Well thats good that you went to him and told him that is big step up .Sadly since you were at fault You have no choice but to put your head down and remember that sex might not be the same .Because every effectionet moment you will share with him will remind him of the other man .Put your self in his position .I think you both need to plan an escape from where ever you live .Away from family and friends just you and your Hubby and end the questions and arguments in that escape .Im sorry about the situation but it is tough to over come maybe family theraphy can help him relax about the event .He is there but he is not God to torture and remind you of it either.
    hush84

    Answer by hush84 at 10:24 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • Yeaup answer those question those are very tormenting
    hush84

    Answer by hush84 at 10:26 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • It's going to be harder on your husband then you by far. Coming from the other side of this my DH thought after 2 months I should've been over it. It hasn't been a full year yet since I found out and I still have days I relapse and freak that he's doing it again. But anytime your husband asks you something or starts worrying reassure him and don't ever say "OMG it's been __ long why aren't you over it" Because I personally believe you never get 'over' it you move past it. And that takes a lot of time and growing and understanding.
    I HIGHLY suggest marriage counseling. We went to a christian marriage counselor and I can honestly say it's the only thing that saved us.
    Be patient with him and this is something we got from the marriage counselor. Everyday DH had to do something to remind me he loved me and only me (at first it was hard for him to come up with things but now it's easy) and we do weekly datenights NEVER missed
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:27 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • Haven't been in this situation personally, but after reading things from other groups on this, I suggest you make your passwords available to him. Like a pp said, trust has been broken, and you have to show yourself trustworthy. Leaving yourself completely open for him to check up on you when he feel suspicious and insecure will show him that you're serious about working on your marriage. But don't be mad if he actually checks up on you! That's part of it...

    Good luck!
    rhope4

    Answer by rhope4 at 10:47 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • Buy a book called the love dare. read it and have him read it. try it ! also watch the movie FIRE PROOF! couldnt hurt
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:59 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

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