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My husband is trying to contact his ex. Should I be concerned? What should I do?

We have a fun relationship where we play harmless pranks on each other. Earlier this week we were on the way to his family's house when he poured water all over my pants. I fought back and we both ended up with wet pants. We live in AZ, so it is not cold here. I decided to get him back by changing his myspace background (we know each others passwords) to something really fruity and feminine and then posting a bulletin to tell all his friends to check out his new layout. I know it is terrible (I couldn't resist) but I looked at his myspace email. In the deleted box there were 4 emails to 4 different Leahs asking them if they were a girl he dated. Long story short, they dated for 3 years. He loved her a lot and said he would have done anything for her. She cheated on him and they haven't spoke since. We met a year later. What worries me is that he didn't tell me that he was trying to find her. I am not the jealous type. --cont


Asked by Anonymous at 11:21 PM on Mar. 28, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Something pretty similar happened to my husband. The girl he thought he was going to marry cheated on him and broke his heart. Years and years later, after we were married with kids, he wanted to find her to "rub it in her face" that he was doing well, was happy, successful, and (in his words) had a beautiful wife : )
    So fortunately not every time a flag goes up does it point to infidelity. Especially if he is happy in your marriage. I agree to somehow bring up his old girlfriend and see if that gets him to talk about looking for her.

    Answer by AnnaMac at 8:30 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • cont-- We have never had any issues with cheating in the past. I don't think he would cheat on me, but I know so many marriages have infidelity problems. I don't want to think we are better or are above that. I don't know how, or even if I should approach him about this. I know he wouldn't be mad that I was on his Myspace, but he might be hurt that I was snooping through his email like I didn't trust him. I am also curious why he wants to get in touch with her. He told me his heart was broken and that he wanted nothing to do with her anymore. I am starting to wonder if his feelings for her never went away. It also worries me that the messages had been deleted, as if he was trying to hide them.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:21 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • My DH and I are open with our stuff too. I know his passwords (if I can remember them!) and he has mine. And my first reaction to your question is that he's just wondering what happened to her. I really don't think it's anything more than curiosity at this point. The secrecy would be my only concern, but he may also know that it would bother you or he changed his mind. I'd bring it up calmly, telling him why you were on his space and that you happened to see the messages. GL


    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 11:40 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • I think if he were trying to contact her for deceptive reasons he would have deleted those messages because he knows you know his password.

    Just keep an eye on it, or talk to him about it.
    It sounds harmless to me..

    Answer by MandyOs at 11:49 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • MandyOs, that is what I am saying. He had deleted them, but then forgot to empty his trash. That makes me wonder what else he may have deleted that I didn't see.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:53 PM on Mar. 28, 2009

  • Does he normally keep all of his messages, read or unread, in the inbox? My SO tends to delete them and empty it every time he reads a message. I doubt he'd be communicating with her on his myspace, which you have access to, if something unusual was going on. He'd probably make a secret account and communicate with her from there. I don't think you have anything to worry about right now. I'd still keep an eye on it. Or you could always say, "Hey, did you find Leah yet?" But don't accuse him of having feelings or any sort of intimate interests in her. I tracked both of my ex-boyfriends on myspace and spoke with them there, and my SO has access to my site. It didn't mean anything, I just wanted to see how they were doing.

    Answer by ShadesofGrey at 12:44 AM on Mar. 29, 2009


    Answer by july4528 at 1:20 AM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • .........confront him

    Answer by july4528 at 1:22 AM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • Maybe he is looking for closure especially after being so hurt by her. That is not saying he doesn't love you. A lot of people can't go forward completely in their life unless their pass is finished.Does that make sense. If you decide to talk to him about it, ask questions, don't tell him anything. Let him do the telling by your questions.

    Answer by Kat122 at 7:03 AM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • I would tell him I saw them and ask him if he'd like for you to help him find her and ask why.
    I don't know if he'd admit this, but I bet a lot of people that have been cheated on, if not all, need to know why. Maybe he wants to try to make sure that it doesn't happen again. Even if they're just lying cheating jerks, it still feels like it was somehow your fault in some way... I'd ask before I got too worked up. Sounds like you have good communication, good relationship with him and it sounds like he needs to either know that she's okay, or maybe even to thank her for what she did because it led him to the one he was supposed to be with.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 12:26 PM on Mar. 29, 2009