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9yr old headed for jail?

My step-gs is headed for trouble. He is NINE. He lives with mom/new stepdad; his dad ( SIL) and his mom had him when they were unwed teens. SIL also had another child with next gf he also never married. "Lucky" DD and he married before having a baby but stepGS now has a ss and a hs at his mom' dad's hb, hs and another hs on the way. He is the oldest of all and no doubt a very confused child.

Past troubles have been anger, stealing money, credit cards (even though he couldn't do anything with it), and probably things I am unaware of. Now, he has threatened to hit mom, and worse he and 2 other boys have been caught with a "list" (to put it in mildterms) of people they "hate" at school. He stated he didn't know what the intent of the list was but was giving names of people he hated. As a STEPgrandparent I have NO rights. What should I do?


Asked by Anonymous at 12:25 AM on Mar. 29, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Sounds to me like your nine year old grandson feels like a black sheep. Could be as a step kid he feels threatened by new competition or that natural born Sib's get all the goodies (in his eyes). He may feel disliked or hated at school and is spreading the wealth too.

    Get him into school or church counseling if Mom & Dad don't have insurance, its cheaper.  If they have behavioral health insurance get him to a good child psychologist.   Do the research and hand his parents or the other grandparents the needed business card(s) or offer to make, transport & pay for the first appointment yourself.  Maybe the various adult family componets can pool $ to get him the help he is shouting out for.

    Ask a school counselor or public librarian to suggest age appropriate books for kids with this kind of anger issues.  Then go buy them for the kid. Grandmas give presents all the time. ;-)


    Answer by Shesapeach at 8:13 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • So your DD is his mom? I am trying to figure out how you are the Step-gma. Anyway, can you talk to his parents about him talking to a counselor, or does he have a counselor at school, or at church? You seem to be close enough to want to help him, and you don't have to have "rights" to express concern. Is he close enough to you to vent his troubles to you? It does seem like you'd want to do something soon, because his consequences will only get bigger as he ages. Wish I had a better response for you, but good luck to you.

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 1:35 AM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • i would like to help, but i'm so confused on whose who in the family, but i'd talk to his parents and tell them that you are concerned about him.

    Answer by MAyers at 12:40 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • I know ... it is confusing. My DD is his stepmom. She married this boy's dad 5 years ago. My dd has two stepsons (one each by two ex gfs) and she and SIL have one child together, expecting another. (Before anyone asked...we TRIED to talk her out of this situation).

    We have grown to love the steps as our own grandchildren, but see them only on an occasional weekend. The sad part is SIL is a good dad, but a firm discipliarian but doesn't have constant influence on his son. Step-gs's mom's new husband form of discipline is to curse him, but not physically punish him.

    I DO want to help, but my access is very limited just because there as so many parents/stepparents that share his time, not to mention his real grandparents that want to see him. I feel like a bystander just listening to this sad story.


    Answer by Anonymous at 12:41 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • One more try to explain this with fictious names:
    My current SIL "Jack" and his ex girlfriend "Jill" were high school sweethearts that had baby "Joe".
    Jack and Jill broke up. Jack then meet Jennifer and he and Jennifer had baby "John" and broke up before they married. My DD "Jessica" enters the picture and she and Jack got married, and then had a baby girl. Recently little "Joe"'s mom (Jill) married "John" (who had custody of his own little girl) so now Joe's living with his mom (Jill), stepdad (John) and stepsis ("Josie"). Jill and John have now had another little sister for Joe ("Julie"). Thats Mom, SIL, ss, and baby hs in his primary household. He comes every two weeks to see his dad, stepmom (my dd), hb, and hs. This is as clearly as I can explain this.

    The bottom line is "Joe" has stated that he "hates everyone" alot. This type "list" he and his two friends made is serious for fourth grade.


    Answer by Anonymous at 1:06 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • Sorry "baby John" is not same as "stepdad John".....I just used the same name twice. See..even I'm confused. ;(

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:12 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • That kid need to see a counselor now, along with his parents and step parents. Family counseling is in order. I don't know what state you live in but in Wisconsin a child as young as 10 can be tried as an adult, so if stepgrandson does something that bad, he can be charged as an adult. Also, he can be suspended if not expelled from school if that "hate list" becomes a "hit list". I feel really sad and scared for this little boy, he needs help, love and patience before it's too late. Talk to your daughter.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 1:58 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • tyfry the word at the top of the list was "kill". "Joe" says he didn't know that was what the list was. The other two (one was 11) boys did get suspended. Joe seems "smirky" that he didn't.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:18 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • Could be a phase maybe? I'd try to stay out of it and just tell them that your there if they need you for a sounding board otherwise you could get labled "nosey rosey" and NOT get ANY info or worse, banned out of their lives. This has happened before(My ex MIL tried to put her nose in my business and I just got sick of her saying,"Well when my kids were blah blah age they never did this or that or blah blah blah...."
    And I was like,"B!TCH, Mind your OWN business!"
    ok, I didn't actually say that, but needless to say, I moved me and my son 700 miles away to get away from the unsolicited advice. Sorry to sound harsh.

    Answer by Starfire73 at 6:56 AM on Mar. 30, 2009