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Mother or Mommy?

As many on here know, I am birth mom. I have an almost 3 year old (gack where did those years go) daughter whom I gave up for (open) adoption. I am very active in her life and very close with her adoptive parents. Some of my family didn't agree with my decision, some did. Ultimately, the ones who didn't like it can kiss my left toe because they weren't there when I needed them so why should they complain? It wasn't about them anyway, it was about what was best for my daughter.
So my question to you is-what makes a mother and what makes a mommy? To me, I don't refer to myself as her mommy because I'm not the one raising her and taking care of her everyday. I'm her mother because I gave birth to her and yes even made the decision to give her a chance at a better life. What do you think?


Asked by Proudbirthmom06 at 4:29 AM on Mar. 29, 2009 in Adoption

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This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I am not mad at my birthmother like lilmizzie. (Have some respect child, she could have aborted you. She gave you life.) Anyway, I have love and respect for my birth mother and even though she chose not to be in my life, I think of her every day with fondness and am thankful that she chose to give me to a loving couple who raised me and loved me every single day. Now that I am now a mother myself, I finally have a blood relative, and it is so special. I often wonder if my birthmother thinks of me. I hope she does. Even if you are not your daughter's "Mommy", you are still in her life and love her very much. She will know that growing up. I applaud you for doing what you felt was best for her out of love. Take care.

    Answer by madrigalreject at 9:24 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • A mommy is the one that is there for everything and a mother is someone that keeps themselves healty and puts there child FIRST so you are the mother you are still in her life and you made the most selfless decision anyone could ever make. You are a very strong women and don't ever let anyone ever tell you differently. No one ever knows how hard or how it feels to allow someone else raise ther child unless they have ever done it themselves, I understand how you feel i just am not allowed to be in my other childs life we are getting there very soon i will have him in my life. YOU ARE THE MOTHER........

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:41 AM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • This is the same type of question what is a Daddy and a Father. You are her mother and will always be that, but the woman raising her is her Mommy. You did a very selfless thing and you should be proud of that. I don't care what others think of you. I think that any woman that can make that decision for their child is an amazing woman. Just remember that you will always be her Mother.

    Answer by coala at 10:28 AM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • As a birthmother myself, I generally say I am my daughter's mother. Someone else just happens to be her Mommy.

    I get flack for it from some, but that is how I see it. I carried her to term, gave birth, loved her and wanted to be the one that raised her, but due to my own insecurities and self percieved failures, felt I could not. I am her mother is every way and form. I just can never be her Mommy.

    Answer by randi1978 at 3:09 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • It seems like you already know the answer. Mommy is the one who takes care of her when she's sick, sings her to sleep, shows her that she won't get sucked down the shower drain. Mother is the one who kept her warm in her body for 9[10] months, who brought her into this world.

    I am not a part of my birth moms life, so I'm a bit harsher and call her "My Womb Loaner".

    Answer by lilmizzie27 at 3:24 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • Yeah, I agree with you.

    Answer by onethentwins at 4:47 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • Although I think "birth mommy" would be ok too.

    Answer by onethentwins at 4:47 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • I would consider the age of the child first. having 2 mothers could be a little confusing to her. MAybe MEME instead of mommy. Ultimately it is something that should be discussed with the adoptive parents.
    You are mommy in all sense of the word. You concieved her, you carried her, and you made the best decision for her that you possibly could in your situation.
    In time she will come to understand what all of that means. And she will respect the decision that you made for her.
    Personally i think you made the ultimate sacrifice for your child. That was a brave and unselfish thing to do. Hats off to you....

    Answer by tcrock02 at 10:43 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • I think your names make a lot of sense. Each family has to figure out what they are comfortable with. We don't all use the same names, but the goal is to show respect to all members of the triad. I'm sorry that some of your family members don't understand your decision. I'm an adoptive mom with two open adoptions, and I've done a complete 360 from when the idea was first presented to me about ten years ago. It has been a very good experience, and I think it will be good for my kids.

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 11:27 PM on Mar. 29, 2009