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I want another baby, but can't get my husband on-board. It's 100% because of the cost of daycare. Any suggestions?

My husband and I both work full-time, and our little girl (20 months) goes to an in-home daycare. It costs about $700 a month - and I know that is cheap for M-F. However, we live paycheck to paycheck, and each of us still make more than it would cost for one of us to stay home. And the bottom line is that we need both incomes. We've never had ANYTHING handed to us - in fact, we are still paying for college AND our wedding 3 yrs ago, plus we have a mortgage. My daughter will be 2 yrs old this summer, and I've always felt strongly about having a sibling for her that would be close in age - ideally 2 - 3 yrs apart - which means I have to get pregnant now!! But my husband is just not on-board - he says we can't afford the cost of TWO daycares. His decision has made me bitter and resentful towards not to just him, but others who are getting pregnant all around me. I just wonder what it is that I'm doing wrong??

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Asked by Anonymous at 5:24 PM on Mar. 29, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (5)
  • That's a tough one, girl! You don't have any family around that could help with watching the babies? Or, if that isn't plausible, maybe you could check into Head Start if you do end up having another child. There are lots of government sponsored programs to help families out with the cost of daycare/childcare. Maybe you could suggest that to your husband, even though it may not go over well if yall are used to working hard and not taking hand outs, even government ones. Sometimes we all need a little help, especially if having another baby is so important to you! I hope it all works out. :-)

    Answer by Bella0308 at 5:34 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • if your living paycheck to paycheck why not wait til you can for sure afford another one ?

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:08 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • That's just it - we didnt think we could afford my daughter, and we've managed ok ( and when I say 'ok' I mean paying our bills and not having extra to save). She was not planned, needless to say. may have to wait until my daughter goes to school in 3 years. And I guess that's what has me upset- knowing that me and my husband are hard working people - but we've been in the hole since college- we always joke and say that living the American dream is not available to people who don't have an outside support system. I feel like I've never heard a story about a young couple who made it on their own- and could have 2 or 3 kids Without the help of family members. Not saying I wouldn't LOVE that kind of help!! It's just not available to me:( and I was just hoping for some type of inspiring story! oh and I would love to look into some type of head start program but I thought you could only qualify if you made a certain amount?

    Answer by Babykayks710 at 7:22 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • Do your homework and get the actual cost. Better to KNOW. Head start is not just for low income.

    You can also look at cutting your expenses. What are you willing to give up to make this happen?

    I'll be honest. Your admission that there's no savings is very distressing. If one of you lost a job you'd be worse than in the could find yourselves bankrupt.

    There's nothing wrong with further spacing of siblings...the closest sibs I've known were a decade apart.

    But also consider that there might not be a second child. That's what happened with us. At the time we were planning to try for our second, my husband lost his job and was unemployed for nearly two years. By the time he was secure again, we decided the time had passed.

    And you know what? I'm perfectly fine with it. I never got my girl, but that;s OK. It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got that matters.

    Answer by gdiamante at 9:04 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • Oh, this can be stresser on a couple. Sit down with hubby and do the math. But think long term. If you wait 2-3 years, you will still have to pay childcare then, but your kids will be 4-5 years apart.Mine are 7 years apart and it's tough. I wish I had had my 2nd sooner. (my late baby was not due to finances though,) If there is any way you can manage it now, I would do it. But do try to get hubby on board and positive about it. I heard thru the office grapevine a couple who had a second child, both worked. After a tiring late night with baby #2, DH yelled at his DW "I told you we shouldn't have a second child" OUCh OUCh. You don't want to go there.

    Answer by whirlygirl at 11:02 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

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