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What to say to a teen to influence their decision about sex?

What kind of things can one say to a young teen who is clearly enticed by the idea of having sex so that she waits until she is older and in a meaningful relationship? (Note: this is our value, rather than abstinence - but this is not the question!)

Is there anything you said to a teen that influenced their decision?
I'd love also to hear from teens or parents who remember what things someone said to them that influenced them to wait, or would have?

I'd like to find something that doesn't go in one ear and out the other.... as is often the case in the teen years!


Asked by PhillyinFrance at 5:59 PM on Mar. 29, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 3 (13 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (22)
  • The biggest thing ig NOT TO LIE! Don't say any thing that isn't true if she finds out you lied to her you will break confidence. Explain that sex is something that causes emotions in girls her age that it doesn't generally cause in the boys. Boys usually use sex as a I'm better than you factor a game if you will. That you don't want to see her hurt and at this age she emotionally in control enough for such a relationship. It would really help if you have a for intense story that is true either from you or even the father that falls under these lines. Also explain the normal things such as birth control, condoms and prgnancy and stds. Make sure she is very well educated about the subject. Be supportive and remember none of these will garantee she will not have sex! I'm sorry that's just how it is. However they could lesson the risk. Be sure to let her know you support her maturity in the questioning of the subject and that she

    Answer by hot-mama86 at 7:22 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • I told my daughter that when she's prepared to raise a child, she's ready for sex, since no BC is 100%.

    Answer by LIZARD66 at 6:01 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • Go into to detail about you and her Daddy's sex life, that is a guarentee turn off. The picture of the y'all together in that way will stay for a loooonngg time :)

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:04 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • i was told that anytime you have sex u can have a baby condoms break birth controll fails it happens and if your not ready for a baby your not ready for sex and i knew i couldnt support a baby till i was out of high school so i didnt have sex till i was out of high school i was actully 20 my first time were still together today we broke up for a little while and went to see some more of theo world but then we came back together

    Answer by jajamama at 6:06 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • Your virginity is one of the most precious things you posses in life. Once its gone you can never get it back. Stress that to her. She needs to know how important that is to her. Damn I wish I still had mines.

    Answer by diamondmamma at 6:07 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • Thanks for all your suggestions. Have done most, but have not seen any 'fear' in her eyes! LOL
    Haven't told her about her parents sex life ... I'm not sure that would scare her or disgust her even more at a time that she is already a bit distant. I need something even more convincing or shocking!!!!

    Any ideas on books (short, simple), videos, DVDs, music, etc. that might help?

    Answer by PhillyinFrance at 6:45 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • you should probably get her on birth control. she's gonna do what she wants. sorry.

    Answer by Rachel24517 at 6:58 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • Cont. Your daughter and you will love, help, give advise, and support her always. I know it's hard, but it will let her know your not just out for control and your trusting her judgement. I'm telling you not the things I heard, but what would've helped me make a wiser decision. If I had heard these things I would not have lost my virginity at 16. Also inform her that her virginity can only be given once and it's your most valuable gift and you want her to give it to some one her is worthy of that gift.

    Answer by hot-mama86 at 7:26 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • I do not think there is really anything that can be said to make a teen change their mind about having sex. You have told her everything that you can. Maybe talking to her about STD's or AIDS and how getting an STD can have life long consequences including death (AIDS). Also, condoms do not protect against all STD's, they can have microtears, leak and break. Make sure that she is well educated about consequences, STD's and birth control. Be there for her. I have taught my almost 13 yr old son that he should wait until he is married but if not that he is in a committed relationship and is protected and ready to be a parent if that happens. If he thinks he is responsible enough to have sex then he needs to be responsible enough to protect himself and his partner and be a parent.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 8:00 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • Nobody really talked to me about sex or birth control.and by the time I had health class in 9th grade I was already pregnant. Maybe if I would of learn about birth control I wouldn't have had my daughter at 15.

    Answer by MomAt15woah at 8:46 PM on Mar. 29, 2009