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Can't stand him

Call me a bad mommy or whatever but I literally can't stand my 11 year old son. He's a defiant little jerk who doesn't listen and lies to us and his teacher. He has ADHD and I can't take it anymore. Even on meds he's a little ass. I just need to vent and wonder ifv anyone else has this problem? I swear I want to leave but my 8 year old son is a dream and can't leave him.


Asked by sweetmom1007 at 7:24 PM on Mar. 29, 2009 in Just for Fun

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Answers (11)
  • You are not alone and I think it was VERY brave and strong of you to post this not anon. That said I have at times and for like weeks at a time not liked my son, I still loved him but just did not like him at all. It is probably partly the age and partly the ADHD. It could also be from the medication, a friend of mine has a son who refused to take his ADHD medication once he realized it was that that made him act like a jerk because he was so irritable he just took it out on every one around him, it was a side effect of the medication (not sure which one though). 

    Any way here is a big hug to let you know there are supportive people here because you will probably be bashed soon enough by the perfect mommies with perfect kids. hugs


    Answer by goaliemom93 at 7:49 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • I have a 21 yr old son at home that is the same expect better as they get older. Ohhh noooo. This one thinks he can run my life, that I owe him everything. He wasnt raised that way...his siblings dont act that way. Where did I go wrong with him? Is it the ADD? I dearly love my oldest son but we are like oil and water...we clash about everything. I am not making it easy for him living back at home but he still has no inclination to move out again. UGH UGH UGH...I dread coming home from work.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:28 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • Take him to counseling. Theres no reason you shouldn't be able to break his behavior yourself, but if you cannot, seek help.

    Answer by twocutetwins09 at 7:30 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • I think it's the ADHD. My nephew is that way also, but my neices are angels.... most of the time. They all are hyperactive, but the boy is abusive, manipulative, and a compulsive lier. Already, at 7!

    Answer by emmetsmom09 at 7:35 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • I agree that it's not going to get better unless you take some drastic actions. My brother was like this and he just never got any better. My mom just didn't know what to do anymore. The thing is that there are jerks all over the world, I guess they have to come from somewhere (not that your son is a jerk, I mean that my brother is). I'm sorry things are so trying for you right now, I hope you can find a way to change things.

    My MIL used to send her boys off to live with other family members for a few weeks or so when she couldn't handle them anymore. SHe said she thought they just needed a break from one another.

    Maybe talking to other moms who have successfully altered this sort of behavior and find out what worked for them would help? I KNOW you're not the only one out there. (My son is only months so I haven't been faced with this yet).

    Answer by beckcorc at 7:36 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • Haven't we all been there? Loving isn't always liking.

    Answer by lstrickland at 7:52 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • My best tip for dealing with ADHD children is self education. Get some good books and really try to learn more about the condition and methods you can use to help him. Make it your hobby! Learn all you can and make sure you're letting him know HE is wonderful but it's behavior and choices that are not. You might also consider making a regular "date" with him once or twice a month. Alot of times we can get so focused on the bad behavior that it's hard to notice the goodness. Make sure you tell him "I Love you" every day even when you're not feeling it because deep down inside you know you do and we never know when we'll have another chance to say it. Keep an open heart, my friend. Something to think about.

    Answer by TessaBianca at 8:08 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • good luckHang in there! You're human, so throw that guilt out of the window. Counseling (they call it behavioral/cognitive where he'll learn strategies) coupled with meds can help your son. And, check your local area for support groups for parents of ADHD children. Try to find a group and if you can and you're open to it, try to get counseling yourself. (A good therapist can work wonders!) As a former teacher, I always told parents: I live with your child for 30 hours each week, you live with them 24/7/365 since birth. It's tough, especially since he's at "that age." But, you're not alone and your decision to post here (rather than run off or choke someone) shows you're a good mom! :-)


    Answer by jonosmama at 8:11 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • I have an almost 13 yr old who I call "my little ass" because he is such a little jerk lately. You are not alone. He is at the age where is he going to push limits, see what he can get away with. He is at an age where he is not a child but not an adult either. That doesn't make being a jerk ok though. It could be partially that his ADHD meds are not working because he is going through puberty and according to my sons doctor, the meds tend to not always work during puberty. How you feel does not make you a bad mom, just a realistic one trying to do the best for her kid. Hopefully, it will get better as he grows and develops. Talking to a counselor may help for both of you. Good luck!!

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 8:56 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • I have an ADHD and ODD 15 y/o daughter and have a hard time dealing with her, too. Her meds really do not work and she is so vocal - she constantly says the wrong things at the wrong time.

    Answer by PrydferthMenyw at 9:14 PM on Mar. 29, 2009