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How should I approach this situation???

Ok my 21 yr old son moved back home due to his job being cut back, he still works, just not as much and couldnt make ends meet. I told him that was fine, I always want him to know he has a roof over his head, but in the last couple of months he has become very disrespectful and belligerent with me. I dont ask him to pay rent or utilities on the grounds that he get his other bills caught up. All I ask is that he pay his van pymt and car insur. Those he is doing but he isnt paying his other bills. He constantly talks down to my fiancee, argues with me over everything and is generally making me miserable in my own home. He text me late at night asking me what I fixed for dinner, when he knows Im asleep, he wants to rearrange my pictures on the walls, tells me my house is filthy and chaotic. I am so fed up with him. Should I just ignore him or lay into him and knock him for a loop?

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:41 PM on Mar. 29, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (16)
  • Your house, your rules. Regardless of relation or age. Have a "group meeting", lay down the rules and expectations. If anyone at the meeting doesn't like it, they can find a tent to go live in.

    Answer by EireLass at 7:49 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • I am struck with the same sort of problem right now. I see two things. 1. He is stressed out and upset he has to move back home. No kid wants to do that. 2. He is driving you nuts and needs to leave. It sounds easy, but just kicking your baby out to the streets is a bad idea no good mom would do. BUT... it has to be done. Not overnight. Not by tossing his stuff on the lawn. Not by waiting for the situation to escalate. He needs to find his own calling.... in his own space. * He can move in with friends and pay some part of rent. He needs to find another job, so help him re-write his resume and get at least a dead end part time job flipping burgers. Look into temp jobs. Have him sign up with the national guard or coast guard or just enlist in the military. See about training that is quick thru a local school or business such as a nursing home or business college. There is financial aid for that. GOOD LUCK !!!!!

    Answer by Shamanmom at 7:52 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • I would tell him if he can't respect you and your home it's time for him to find somewhere else to stay. He's a grown man... theorhetically. Time to grow up.

    I've been doing the same thing at my moms house... until I realized it was disrespectful. (I blame the rearranging and cleaning on my nesting instincts. lol.) But I appologized and now ask her if things are ok to move. We're making room for baby together. He can't really use that as an excuse tho.

    Answer by emmetsmom09 at 7:53 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • Is there any chance that he is abusing drugs? Just mentioning it b/c if he has had a change in behavior that could account for his anger and such.

    Or maybe he is depressed from loosing his job.

    Just throwing out suggestions for you to think about. I have no idea really.

    Answer by mom2twobabes at 7:56 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • No he isnt using drugs. All of my kids are very anti drug after seeing what it did to their dad. The thing is, he is acting just like his father in alot of ways. My son lived out on his own for a yr and I was soo proud of him. When he moved back, I told him it would be a big adjustment. He moved back right before Christmas and things were pretty good until recently. He has ADD but isnt taking any meds for it. He only works 3 days a week. The rest of the time he is roaming around the house getting under my feet or causing me grief. Alot of times, I think he is just bored. Now he wants to move his stuff to the basement but its damp down there. He is mad at me cause I wont buy him a dehumidifier. If he wants one, he can buy it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:03 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • I would have his thing out the door, at 21 if he dont like the rules then he should leave. you shouldn't feel bad in your own home.

    Answer by achylegs at 8:37 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • I would def. have a meeting with him. Have a list of things numbered that you are having a problem with. Also, I would have him pay you rent even if its 20 bucks a week. He alao needs to get a loaf of bread and a pack of hamburger or something a week. I hope he is buying his own bath/shampoo etc. And momma you are not doing his laundry are you? If your not comfortable taking his money, then keep it for him an give it back to him when he moves out as a suprise. A nest egg or sorts, but he should be paying you something. I would also def. insist that he either looks for another full time job or takes classes a day or two a week. If he doesnt like this then he can move out. You need to insist on respect or he needs to find different living arrangements.

    He is an adult, so the way he is treating you and your kind of your fault. He will only do what you allow him to do. Good luck momma ;)

    Answer by mistynights234 at 8:43 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • He should respect you and your house no matter what age.. and if he doesn't he's out. needs to see life isn't as easy as he thinks. And he is lucky to have somewhere to turn!!

    Answer by muzikgrl477 at 10:02 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • Your house your rules, he don't like it, he can get out and take care of himself.

    Answer by Jordanplustwo at 10:54 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • I would say it is time for your son to leave ,he is after all an adult ,he is living in your home ,your house your rules . don't answer the phone no more and tell him if he continues to be disrespectful ,show him the door even he wines and complains about how you said you would help him,helping does not call for rude belligerent children to take advantage of the parents and has know right to treat your fiance this way.SOUNDS LIKE TO ME SOMEONE IS JEALOUS AND TRYING TO GET YOU TO PAY ATTENTION TO HIM AND TRYING TO CAUSE CONFLICT FOR YOU AND YOUR FIANCE.JEALOUSY IS POWERFUL.

    Answer by Lady58 at 3:50 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

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