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Do you think a 10 should have a foster home or stay at a foster group center ?

My friend is a foster parent and on friday she had to tell this lil boy that is 10 yrs old that she can't bring him home the reason for this is the child was 4 and was very friendly (sexual his mom showed him and he was also raped ) but the boy has gone threw alot of things which he went threw therpy & etc. well the lil boy he is pretty well behaved, left his past and wants to do a fresh start but the group home won't let him cause they think of his friendlyness CONT

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:42 PM on Mar. 29, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (6)
  • ConT
    from the pass then won't even give the lil boy a chance to get trust at all cause they think this will be a cause for kids raping others. this boy has spent weekends at my friends house and he didn't do anything he was very helpful and just talked which his 3 lil sisters live with my friend and we both think he need a home cause he will feel that he is a failure and no body won't want him which when he is 18 he will be full of anger. the foster center wants him to live with a family with no kids and when they tell about his past what happens he won't even get the life he needs.. i guess you make thing we are soft heart which yes we are but we try to make life good as much as possible and show that they are a part of the family no matter what happened.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:48 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • so do you think this 10 yrs old should have a life or leave him at a foster center?
    because of the bad choice his mom maybe for him which the state is taking out on him when he is trying to prove and show he isn't like that he just wants a family?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:51 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • Wow hard question. My first foster child was sexually abused as a child and did go on to sexualy abuse a bio child in his prior foster home. So sometimes it is warranted. When i recieved him into our home we were told he was to have no contact unsupervised with other children and we would have no other placements while he remained in our hime. He had numerous issues as well and was later moved out of my home because of a huge anger problem. I ofter wonder what happened to him. This was 20 years ago. But the state is tryong to protect others from what could possibly happen. EVery child deserves a loving safe home to be loved and appreciated. HE will ultimatley be a hard to place child and that is sad all in itself. But i am sure there is someone out there just like you who will see the potential in him and want to keep him. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Foster care is hard when the kids are labeled
    tcrock02

    Answer by tcrock02 at 10:36 PM on Mar. 29, 2009

  • One of the reasons that group homes are more suitable for children with past sexual abuse history is that there are more workers to protect him and the other children from abuse. It's a sad thing that most children who were sexually abused, go on to abuse other children. Also, the family setting of the foster home (mom/dad?/sibs, etc) is similar to the dynamic in which he may have been abused. The group home has a different dynamic. You are not being engaged by 1-2 authority figures, but there is a "system" in which the group home works. You are soft-hearted, but you must protect the siblings or any other children first and foremost. Once he perpetrates, you can't undo the damage. It doesn't mean he can't have a relationship with them necessarily, but it would not be wise for him to live there. And you probably don't have ALL the info, whereas the state has his complete file.

    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 8:33 AM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • There may be things that you do not know about his case. It could also be that there is not a theraputic foster home available that can provide the right home environment for this child. Sometimes social services will require that no other children be in the home, at least one parent not working, ect.... And sometimes we are just not privy to that sensitive information. So there is no way anyone on this thread could say that this specific child should be in a specific home vs. someone else's home or in a group setting. In theory most children should be in a home with a family to care for them and provide that family environment. But on the other hand it is also about finding the home that is the best environment for that child. Not about finding a child to put in that home. In this situation it may be that home would be best....but no way for us to really know.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:34 AM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • Oops! Anon 9:34 am- You are right, I should have said, "group homes COULD be more suitable", instead of blanketing "group homes ARE more suitable". I did mean what you said in that we usually don't know all the facts, and that's why it's hard to understand. Thanks...
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 11:11 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

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