Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Would You Sacrifice Your Marriage?

Would You Leave Your Husband If You Were In a Situation With Him That Made Your Family Suffer Financially? If you knew that you leaving him would make things better fiancially for your kids would you get a divorce? If Things were so bad that you couldn't even buy them a pair of shoes?
(My husband is being sued by 3 different people SO FAR because of a bussiness he had before we got together. I've never agreed with the bussiness and wanted him to get out of it since we got married. He just drove himself and his partner deeper and deeper. I refuse to pay for his debts. Not only does he have these, but he's behind in child support by 30 thousands dollars! most of it from before we even met. He also owes SEVERAL thousands of dollars on his student loans from YEARS before we met... he hid this all from me until we had planned the wedding.. actually I found the bills one day he was out.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:51 AM on Mar. 30, 2009 in Money & Work

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • In the situation you describe, I wouldn't leave b/c of the financial issues. I would leave b/c he hid them from me. That's essentially fraud. He hid something pretty vital about himself in order to persuade you to marry him. Call it fraud, call it lying, call it whitewashing the truth, it all amounts to the same thing, and it's not something I'd tolerate. Good luck!
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 8:21 AM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • I wouldn't leave my husband unless he beat me, beat my child, or cheated on me.

    However, I could see leaving a man because he hid his financial issues from you. That's a sign that he knew you may not want to marry you, that's as though he tricked you into the marriage. I LOVE my husband, so I could not imagine leaving him, but my husband hides nothing from me. That is what would make me consider leaving him. That is the same a lying and deceiving your spouse.
    toriandgrace

    Answer by toriandgrace at 4:01 AM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • I would have left him a long time ago. I think that you can tell alot about a guy by how he treats his other children, if he has any. And the fact that he's not paying child support shows how crappy of a person he really is. Sadly, I know that in some states if you get a divorce some of that debt can be transtered onto you. It's not fair, but I know that sometimes that happens. But yes, I would definately get a divorce.
    sarapurser

    Answer by sarapurser at 4:03 AM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • I wouldn't leave my husband if I had known about these things prior to marrying him.


    Frankly, he violated your trust. He hid these things from you. I wouldn't stand for that, personally.

    jessnpaulie1014

    Answer by jessnpaulie1014 at 5:23 AM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • He's lied to you all along. What else has he lied about, and just what is your marriage really based on at this point?

    Be warned, depending on the state you live in, you may also be liable for the debts he has incurred. Unless he kept good records, if he comingled your household funds with his "business" or his other debts, his debts may now be your debts.

    Based on your post, it sounds like you've pretty much made up your mind, but needed confirmation of your decision. It sounds like in your heart you know what you need to do to protect yourself and your kids. However, I wouldn't expect him to help you financially at all. It doesn't sound like he will be in a position to do so, even if he was inclined to do so.

    Busimommi

    Answer by Busimommi at 9:03 AM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • I threw my husband out because he was abusive and he was financially irresponsible.  So I guess my answer is yes, I would sacrifice my marriage.

    Madge1428

    Answer by Madge1428 at 9:33 AM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • You still knew before you married him and still went through with it. I would have never married him even with the wedding planned.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:10 AM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • I'd leave. Why should you and the kids suffer because of his financial mess?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:41 AM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • Whatever happened to "For better or for worse?"
    He isn't beating you or hurting your children, he made some poor choices, then on top of that he made the poor choice to not share it with you. He may have had his reasons for not sharing it with you (not making excuses for him). He may have just been too embarrassed or he just didn't want to stress you out about it. Do you not love him enough to work this out? Unfortunately it does mean that you would have to share in paying the debts, but if you can't stand by your man then your marriage isn't strong anyways. All humans make dumb choices at one time or another, it's a shame to not have anyone who will help fix things and stand by your side while you make things right......
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:05 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • "Answered at 8:05 PM on Mar. 30, 2009 by: Anonymous

    Whatever happened to "For better or for worse?" He isn't beating you or hurting your children, he made some poor choices, then on top of that he made the poor choice to not share it with you. He may have had his reasons for not sharing it with you (not making excuses for him). He may have just been too embarrassed or he just didn't want to stress you out about it. Do you not love him enough to work this out? Unfortunately it does mean that you would have to share in paying the debts, but if you can't stand by your man then your marriage isn't strong anyways. All humans make dumb choices at one time or another, it's a shame to not have anyone who will help fix things and stand by your side while you make things right......"

    I agree :)
    tandknix

    Answer by tandknix at 9:35 PM on Mar. 31, 2009

close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN