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My bf has 2 kids with 2 different women. He is 6 years older than me and this is my first pregnancy. First of all, I'm not used of my bfs having kids whatsoever, not to mention myself but when his kids come over to visit, I feel the erge to shrivel up and leave. It's like I don't know how to act around them or how to treat them. I've helped with school shopping,christmas shopping and even easter shopping and things still havent changed.He wants me to be there with them when he spends time with them and it's just akward for me. Since this is my first pregnancy, I'm not even sure how to be a parent. Am I suppose to be a parent-type person to them? or does it matter? I just don't know and I hate this feeling..

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:43 AM on Mar. 30, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • No one can tell you how you should be feeling or acting. I have been in your situation and it is hard. You need to build a relationship with the kids that is just for you and them. don't do what you think your bf would want. I started dating a guy who had a 2 1/2 year old son (and had full custody) it was very hard, now the boy is 6 1/2 and we have a great relationship. The kids need to know that you aren't trying to steal their daddy or replace their mommy. They often feel like if they become attached to you, that they are abandoning their mom. The best thing for the kids to see is all the parents getting along and being a team. It really helps.
    davismom909

    Answer by davismom909 at 5:57 AM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • Just try to get to know them. The better you know what kind of people they are the more comfortable you'll feel. Don't immediately jump into the parent role. They have a parent there - your BF. Just relax and talk to them, ask what they're interested in, hobbies, what they like in school, stuff like that. And be open with them. They have to get to know you too.

    Madge1428

    Answer by Madge1428 at 4:56 AM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • how long have you to been together? i am sure that feeling is normal... i am sure after time you will get better...

    how far along are you? if you don't know anything about parenting... PLEASE read some books take some classes...talk to some friends...SOMETHING that baby is going to need you for every little thing...
    JuLiAnSmOmMy317

    Answer by JuLiAnSmOmMy317 at 4:58 AM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • For me personally, before I had a kid I had *no idea* how to act around other peoples' children. I didn't know what to say or do; I was always afraid I would say the wrong thing, and I was very easily embarrassed about it. It wasn't until after having my son that I realized interacting with children isn't all that scary, lol.


    Just give it some time. You'll adjust.


    Also, if you really don't know anything about being a parent, there is a lot of good information online as well as the library. I didn't know ANYTHING and it scared me at first. My mother gave me "The Baby Book" by Dr.Sears. I don't follow it word for word, but there is a lot of good info in there.


    Good luck. :)

    jessnpaulie1014

    Answer by jessnpaulie1014 at 5:12 AM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • Be their friend, or, instead, I would try acting like an aunt to them. You are in a position of authority over them, but at the same time you shouldn't be trying to be their mother.

    Spend time with them, hang out with them, take them to do fun stuff, etc. Sort of like if you were a favorite "auntie" :-)
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 6:17 AM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • One thing to keep in mind though, these kids aren't just your so's kids with other women - they're your new baby's siblings, and you will always have a connection to you that way, so, in a sense, they're now your family, too :-)
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 6:18 AM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • Make your own place in their life. Start by doing something small and getting to know them. Get to know them by asking them questions (whats your favorite such and such, do you like to _____). They can probably feel how uncomfortable you are, so asking questions will show that you care. He wants you to be there for them because you are a part of his life. Tell him how you feel and ask him to help you along. Once you have your baby, things just come naturally, its just there. No one knows how to be a parent until they are one. We think we do, but until we are a parent, we don't know alot until the child comes along. You are trying and thats all anyone can ask.
    Kat122

    Answer by Kat122 at 6:54 AM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • Enjoy getting to know them right now. One thing I can definetely tell you is for you and their Dad not to let them pit you against each other so don't disagree about things in front of them on what t hey can or can't do/have. Back each other up.
    Be their friend right now and leave the parenting to their Dad till they get to know you.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 7:29 AM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • You are having this man's baby so these kids are your baby's siblings...so it would certainly be in everyone's best interest if you do get comfortable with them. Maybe you are expecting too much too soon. For now, just being there might be enough...doing things together and letting the relationships develop. You should see yourself as an adult figure in their lives, like an aunt or something like that....but don't try to be their parent! Follow Dad's lead and let him be the parent. They have mothers already. Don't push it trying to get close to them, just get comfortable and let it happen on its own in its own time.
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 8:59 AM on Mar. 30, 2009

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