Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

8 year old with very low self esteem. :(

Hey. My stepson just turned 8.. About 2 years ago, he was so full of life. He could make friends with anyone and had tons of friends at school.. and then his mother started beating him down.. She is constantly calling him a Dumbass or stupid or some other little phrase like that.. But now, we take him to the park, and he plays by himself.. He has no friends at school and gets beat up EVERY day... His grades are still good.. A's And B's.. But he's such a loner now, and it's a complete opposite to how he used to be. It's really sad. I'm his stepmom, but his mom is a piece of crap.. She moved out and took her other kid, but left him at her parents house, which we couldn't prove, which is why we don't have custody. But she's hurting him so bad emotionally.. Is there anything that we can do to make it better for him? I've done everything I know to do, but she is really killing his spirits.

Answer Question

Asked by PeytonsMom21109 at 9:23 AM on Mar. 30, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 4 (28 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I have an 8 year old so I sympathize with you. So sorry to hear that. Praise him and mean it. That's no other words I can say but to do the opposite of what his bi$#ch as mother is doing. Boost his level of self esteem and let him gain that confidence. And try to get him away from that woman because he doesn't need that.

    Answer by diamondmamma at 9:28 AM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • Get him involved in activities he enjoys. Sports, Cub Scouts, Karate. These types of activities would allow him to make friends that share his interests and also will allow him to be more confident in himself. And tell him everyday you love him and praise him for the little things he does.

    Answer by mamaada at 9:30 AM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • Are you exagerating when you say he gets beat up every single day? Why hasnt your dh contacted the school about this if his mom hasnt? Is he still living with his moms parents? All you need to do if so is hire a private invetigator get some proof get an attorney and the judge could even talk to your sson to see where he is living. If it were me I would hire an attorney you may not get custody but the judge could order the mom to get the child some therapy. Maybe when it is your time with him you could sign him up for some karate lessons. Or ask the mom if you could pick him up and take him for lessons if you cant find some that fit your time or even offer to pay for the classes so she can take him. Do you have any friends with kids his age he could play with when he is at your house. Maybe your dh could talk to his ex saying he is concerned because there seems to be a big change in their child.

    Answer by okmommy08 at 9:32 AM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • 4H has tons of activities from community service groups to pets groups (dogs, cats, rabbits, gerbils, snakes etc) to farm animal groups plus they also have arts and crafts groups. With 4H there are many times because of life's circumstances that a child can join a county's group that is not the county the child lives in. The leaders are very very caring and nurturing.

    Maybe try Karate classes to build up self esteem? I had my kids in that. The better schools know that kids physically sometimes are limited because of emotions sometimes just not phycially strong, but they still are encouraging and acknowledge kids trying and progress them.

    Also libraries these day have tons of activities for kids your nephew's age. Years from now when he ages out he can probably do volunteer work. Library activities are free and are not bound by where someone lives.

    Religious activites? That's not bound by where you live.


    Answer by Anonymous at 9:33 AM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • Use posotive reinforcement. Don't tell him things he did wrong, just tell him how to do things right & praise him when he does it right. Kids have to hear the words "I'M PROUD OF YOU" quite often. It is one of the best things besides "i love you" to say to a child. Let him know how important he is, & how great & special he is, and as often as you can. This will not spoil a child. it's what EVERY child should hear on a dialy basis. As Greg Brown put it in one of his songs:

    Children don't need a lot of stuff
    but children sure do need a lot of love
    they need love to give them pride
    make'em feel real good inside
    cause if they don't get it at home
    they'll go lookin

    (and usually when they go looking for it, they often find it in the wrong place)

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:40 AM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • No, he gets beat up every day.. And not like, broken nose or black eye.. But he's covered in scratches and little bruises... He says that during recess.. they trap him in the little barrell toys and punch him, and the teachers are just 2 per 20 kids.. So they say they don't see anything.. And his mother had gone up there once from them really hurting him.. But basically the teachers said that they didn't see it, so nothing could be done.. She moved back home now.. She has lived away from him from almost 9 months and we didn't find out about it until she moved back because my stepson made the mistake of telling us and then begged us not to say anything.. Needless to say we did, and that caused a huge problem.. We call him every day and talk to him all the time, but I'm so worried about him.. He's such a good kid, but has such a negative living environment....

    Answer by PeytonsMom21109 at 10:20 AM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • First, I would call the school. Ask for a meeting. They may not have seen it, but once you notify them of the problem, the school and who ever is on the playground should be on the look out for the problem. It is unacceptable for it to happen after you notify them. You need to go farther up the food chain so to speak. Take it to the Superintendent or the school board. A child should not have to deal with that type of situation at school.

    As for the mother, calling him, praising him, and being an active, positive force in his life is going to make a big difference. Beyond that, I would take her back to court for more visitation or custody. It doesn't matter if you have physical proof or not, you have every right to ask for more time with the child. Even better if you can get him to say she left. You need to fight for him, no child deserves to be stuck in one bad home, when a good home is awaiting him.

    Answer by Mommyto1DD at 12:37 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • i doubt she can be the one to call a meeting at the school being she is not  any relation to the child what so ever? She is not REALLY the step mom being they don't have custody of the child per say .  But she can call CPS and have them look into it ? There seems to be some missing parts here to this puzzle? Something is going on here that we are not privy to it seems ?


    Answer by Anonymous at 2:41 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.