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how can i help my daughter with some things?

she is twelve and she made all A's and B's in school until the last month. then she got some F's in math and English. she has been spanked as a last resort, grounded, I don't know what else to do with her to make her understand please help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:44 AM on Mar. 30, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (8)
  • Was she getting rewarded for her As and Bs?? I think you and her should have a hour every night of study time. You help her w/ any questions in her homework, ect.

    Answer by Kbmancine at 11:52 AM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • Have you tried talking to her to see if there is something going on that you may not know about? seems like a pretty dramtic change in her grades

    Answer by MSully3 at 12:04 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • Before you spanked and grounded, did you bother to talk to the teacher and see why her grades went down? She could be having trouble with the material, it may be too hard for her. Is she having trouble with kids at school? Problems at home? She may need a tutor to help her with those subjects, instead of being spanked and grounded. I also wouldn't be rewarding for good grades, I would reward when she gets the F's up to B's. (or even C's). Do you help her with her homework?

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 1:07 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • Talk to her, talk to teachers... I'd first suspect something is going on. I'd also monitor it... keep track of grades; don't just wait for the report card. I agree with rewards, but I think (unfortunately, I learned a bit too late for my kids) to try to get her input on setting the goal & maybe even the reward. And don't forget to congratulate her on the small victories!

    I can't motivate my kids with money, candy, clothes, etc. so I wait for them to ask for something really big (example - my daughter wants 2nd piercing in her ears, my son wants a boy/girl party with some kids sleeping over!??), I set the bar high but achieveable. For the two things I mentioned, I tell them that they are big privileges for which I'd make an extraordinary effort if they did. Neither have made it yet.. but they keep talking about it, and keep wanting to try - which is far more than I got with $ for grades or stuff like that.

    Answer by PhillyinFrance at 8:44 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • Following my last post, another though thought... what I focus on now is moments when my kids are proud. Mine have a very privileged life, so maybe that is why they aren't motivated about 'things', and what makes me saddest is to see them NOT PROUD of what they have done.
    My kids are smart but have some kind of indifference about doing well, being proud. They were proud achievers in primary school, and in jr. high, became very indifferent. I pray for moments when they will again really feel pride; if they ever do meet the challenges we set, for sure, I will focus more on the pride they feel than the reward.

    Answer by PhillyinFrance at 8:52 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • Spanked--for bad grades? That seems extreme for a 12 year old. I would talk to the school first before you did anything......

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:38 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • ok well im twleve soo if something was bothering me at skool id try to be tough n figure it out myself not go to my mom as a first resort! so it helps to ask the child whats wrong n have a talk about what could be bothering her. and if that doesnt help then talk to her teacher or bestfriend and ask if there has been anything going on at school,or if she ha sbeen bullied.but it could be something in the family so just ask around...

    Answer by april021 at 12:08 AM on Apr. 1, 2009

  • You don't say what the problem she choosing to get these bad grades? I doubt that! I think you need to listen to what she has to say. Grades aren't necessarily a discipline issue! Find out what is going on with her....Can you imagine the despair she would be feeling when she is having trouble with a subject and then getting in trouble for it too....? Maybe she needs help with the work!

    Answer by BJoan at 8:50 AM on Apr. 2, 2009

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