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how do i talk to my 12 yr. old daughter about sex.

and when is a good time to consider birth control

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:35 PM on Mar. 30, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (13)
  • I would start by asking her if she even knows what it is and make sure she is right. Then tell her your beliefs on it. As far as my daughter would concern I'd tell her that it is something that needs to wait until marriage and that it isn't just "sex" it is an emotional "oneness" between husband and wife. And I would tell her how to avoid the temptation and ask her if she had any questions or concerns. And I would tell her not to ever be embarrassed to talk to me about anything sexual. And then I'd sign my daughter up to attend The Silver Ring Thing which is a seminar that encourages sexual purity. But these are my beliefs and not everyone would agree with me. So tell her what you believe and how you would want her to react and do things.

    Answer by momoflilangel at 1:39 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • Oh, and I'd also tell her how important it is to KNOW the person she would ever consider this with b/c of how common STD's are and how dangerous they can be and make sure she knows all about how sex is how you can get pregnant and what can be done to prevent all of this.

    Answer by momoflilangel at 1:40 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • Your Daughter probably knows more about sex then your realise..Ask her what she knows about sex first. Then fill her in about what she does not know.Birth control is a tricky thing. I say put her on  birthcontrol when she starts going boy crazy.Or aroung 15,16 yo..Do not wait tell she says she want to have sex..It is to late then. Cause she probably is already having sex.


    Answer by louise2 at 1:42 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • I think that you really need to let your daughter know about STD's. They are so common and very dangerous. If I had a daugter (I have a son) I would let her know that sex is something very special shared between two people and it isn't just something that you should be doing for fun or with anybody. I am so very glad that I waited and shared that experience with my husband (although my parents never ever had "the talk" with me). I made that decision on my own. Teach her to have enough respect for herself to not sleep around.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:45 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • Hi. it's hard I know. I have three kids between midteens to 25yo, one son and two daughters. I once had a talk about using saran wrap as an emergency condom if no actual condom were available, in a bakery parking lot as my son was headed off for his senior hischool year co-ed weekend!!!! When I have something private to tell my kids since they've been more grown, which is what your daughter is in this day and age, I say that I have something to talk about that's important - they can turn away or II can turn away if that's easier for them but it will be said. I still do that with my son and he's the one who's 25!!! He's not married, he's finishing college, our dependent taxwise, living at home even this summer. So I have that right. Look up your info ahead of time. Sort your feelings ahead of time. Think? What would u do if she became preg. before marriage no matter age? Raped? Drinking? Drugs? Beaten by a boyfriend?

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:50 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • First, I have to say I don't agree with putting a girl on birth control just because she gets boy crazy or reaches a certain age. I think that is a mixed message. "I don't want you to have sex before marriage/a certain age, but here is some birth control anyway".
    My DD is only ten, but already knows about the birds and the bees because she has had science for the last three years, first leaving about plant reproduction and then animal. So the only think I had to talk to her about was relationships between boys and girls and the importance of waiting. I tell you all the time that if anyone, friend or family, etc... tries to talk her into something she doesn't feel comfortable with, they are not her true friends (we have had situations like this before now).

    Answer by marbear98 at 2:51 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • I find that in the car is a good time to talk. She has limited options and it is a relaxed environment and we don't have to look right at each other if it is a sensitive subject.
    Not including getting a bad reputation, the least that could happen to her if she had sex too soon is she could get pregnant, the worst is getting and STD. While we haven't discussed birth control in particular, she does know that the cat had surgery so he couldn't have babies and so did her Dad.

    Answer by marbear98 at 2:51 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • Please tell me you didn't wait until 12 and now you want to jump ahead to Birth Control? Make sure that she knows that if she has sex and doesn't get pregnant (assuming no BC) that it is an indication that she has fertility problems. Teens seem to think the brain is involved with conception. Stress that pregnancy is the normal result if nothing is done to stop it and that what she would consider getting lucky would be a sign of a problem. It really whips their heads around!


    Answer by LoveMyDog at 4:00 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • At 12 she may already know more that what you would like to admit to her knowing. The best thing to do is just ask and make her feel comfortable enough about it that she can answer honestly. Rather than sit down and talk to her in the middle of a conversation ask a random question and start that way. Kids tend to lie about it because when you confront them one on one they are uncomfortable. The best time to put any child on BC is when they acknowledge knowing about it. If they know details in specifically more than likely a friend has done it and told them.

    Answer by VaDivaMom at 4:46 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • Even if you have a good relationship with your daughter....this can be a tough topic. I would make sure you set aside time to do so (where neither of you or rushed). Maybe go to lunch/dinner just mom and daughter.   After inquiring (and listening) to her about her life, school, friends, casually bring up the topic.  Tell her you know this may be uncomfortable to talk about, but you feel it is time since she is now getting older.  There are some EXCELLENT books to help you with this topic which could help you and/or be a reference to her for all the questions she probably WONT ask you.   Click on the Puberty/Birds & Bees Link


    Answer by momjs at 8:06 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

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