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Am I oversensitive or would you feel this way too?

My dad adopted my brother and I when we were teens. He has raised us since we were 4 and 5 years old. We have two sisters they are his with other women. We were not all raised together but saw each other all the time. My sisters tend to stay close with each other and often leave me out. We have many things in common but for some reason they shut me out. They have never accepted my brother and I as "real" siblings. My one sister made him a scrapbook and in the section where she put pics of his girls there were none of me. They do this stuff often. I have come to terms with it because my dad has treated us all the same and loved us the same until recently.

My dad had an affair while married to my mother and fathered a child with another woman. He is a teen now and just got in contact with my dad. Since this has happened he has pretty much cut my brother and I off. He won't call either one of us.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:56 PM on Mar. 30, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • My sisters were able to meet our brother. I have not but I live far away. My other brother has not been invited to meet him. Seems my dad is happy with just his new wifes children and his own biological children. I really don't understand this since the only two children he has raised and really spent a lot of time with was my brother and I.

    I feel this is partly guilt on his part for spending more time with us than them. I really don't know. I just feel this part of my family slipping away. My dad when I did talk to him said he was just busy. He had time to call my sisters and do many things with them and my younger brother. I just moved across country and it was stressful. He never even called to see how it went. He went from talking to me once a week to once a month if that. Am I being oversenstive or are we being phased out?

    I am calling my dad to talk to him about this. I need to know.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:01 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • I'm sorry for your sadness. Can you be the adult in your actions and treat your newest brother like your father treated you and your first brother with your half or stepsisters? You said until recently your father who adopted you and your first brother treated you both and your half/stepsisters with love and equally? And now he doesn't since your newest brother became known, right. I think you should reach out to your newest brother and write him a scrapbook of yourself and your first brother and also with info, complimentary somehow, of your sisters. Don't carry forward the hate. Carry forward the acceptance your father originated with you though now that love is misplaced.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:04 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • How about counseling? For yourself definitely and possibly your first brother, maybe new brother? As you go through trying to reconcile with your dad and sisters and newest brother, counseling could help. ?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:08 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • I'm just guessing that he's feeling ashamed that he cheated on your mother and produced a child. I'd give it some time, since all of this just recently happened it sounds like.
    As for the other sisters... they sound like the typical "wicked stepsisters" so I don't know what to say about them.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 2:11 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • I am so sorry you are having to deal with this.

    My DD was adopted by my DH last year. We made it very clear in our house that there are NO such things as "steps" here (except me, but that doesn't count, LOL). They are brothers and sisters, period, and the way your sisters treated you and your brother will never be tolerated.

    I think that calling your father is the right thing. Remind him that he is the only dad you know, and you really want a relationship with him.

    Good luck to you, hon. I hope it works out for the best.
    jennijune_21

    Answer by jennijune_21 at 2:19 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • I would have a heart to heart with dad. I moved 2000 miles from my family and friends, I really needed my parents to talk to. I dont know how I would have dealt with my dad not speaking to me. Explain to your dad how much you miss your weekly chats. Invite him and your new bro to visit you. He might think that you guys are mad at him for having the other child. If he wont answer the phone or call you back send him a card, go to the story find the best daddy i miss you card and pour your heart out in. Good luck.
    Vanessannd

    Answer by Vanessannd at 2:20 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • There are 4 girls in my family & I am the odd ball out. My sisters love me & I love them but I am a little different. It took me years to accept that. Give your dad time. As men age they go through some really 'weird' stages, especially when guilt is involved. Keep loving your family & don't stop being you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:24 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • Yes, you have every reason to feel sad. I truly have empathy for your situation.
    preggoandfat

    Answer by preggoandfat at 3:11 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

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