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Handprint on DD's leg

Last night DH spanked DD on the leg. I just now noticed there is a bruise in the shape of a hand print where he spanked her! Should I talk to him about this? When I bring up spanking, he always get's frustrated and says "I'll just stay out of it and let you do all the discipline from now on". This irks me to no end - I don't want him to NOT discipline just to think about HOW he's disciplining. He's a wonderful man and a really great dad - I just don't think he's aware of how hard he spanked her.

 
jennijune_21

Asked by jennijune_21 at 2:56 PM on Mar. 30, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (15)
  • I think that you should show him the mark and he will feel bad enough on his own that you don't have to say/do much. You could also let him know that its ok for him to discipline in his way (spanking) but that when doing so he needs to count, slow down, and be very aware of his strength at the time. Maybe this incident will be the one that will always make him watch his spanks with her from now on.

    I think those that are calling for CPS are overreacting. This is the first time hes left a mark, he is a good dad; with no anger issues and he is her father. I seriously doubt he wanted to hurt her in that way! Who hasn't gotten frustrated and yelled or grabbed an arm or swatted too hard, etc? It can happen. Abuse is long term and an accident is what this is.
    ozarkgirl3

    Answer by ozarkgirl3 at 3:53 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • just last night my hubby gave my son a smack on the hand and it left a mark. I was pissed. NEVER should you hit hard enough to leave a mark. I pointed it out to him, and he felt really bad and understood and was now going to watch his actions and not do it so hard. Talk to him about it! BTW my huby is awsome and swweet and the greastest daddy every, sometimes he just dosen't realize how little our son is at times.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:00 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • You better sit him down and let him know that the next time he decides he's going to do that to be ready with clean underwear to go to jail. I personally know this as my SO did something like that with my dd. The school called CPS and CPS called me. We are lucky that the situation turned out a little different: my dd was pushing him with her chest over and over and he pushed her onto the couch. The thing is that he HAS to realize this NOW!! When he says he'll leave it to you, then say "FINE! I will also leave all the bills to you also in the meantime. When you want to grow up and act like a man instead of a 3 yr old to let you know." He's got to get it and he's got to get it NOW!!!
    Babylove76

    Answer by Babylove76 at 3:01 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • Take a picture of it and show it to him, then ask if he wants her to learn that being hit is ok and to come home after having a boyfriend beat the hell out of her. My mom did that with a babysitter of mine when I was 3 because she let her husband hit me, the woman was so upset that she never watched anyone else's children again. Bruises speak volumes to some people.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:06 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • You need to point it out to him and ask him at what point he thinks "discipline" becomes abuse. In most states, any physical discipline that leaves a mark, especially a bruise, is abuse.

    And remind him that NOT discipling a child is abuse too... abuse of fhis relationship with you, abuse to a child who needs limits to grow up healthy and happy, abuse of his ability to decide what issues to face as an adult.
    kaycee14

    Answer by kaycee14 at 3:06 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • If possible, I would try to make it so that DH notices the mark on his own and say nothing unless he asks. If you point it out or bring it up it may seem more like criticism and he may become defensive, or he may tell you to take care of it on your own from now on. If he discovers it himself he will be very aware that it was him who did it and that will make an impression in his mind.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:08 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • I think some guys are a little uncomfortable talking about discipline, and some don't realize that they're stronger than a child. My DH is so afraid of disciplining our baby when she's born that he's told me he wants me to take care of it all, but this is only because he was abused by his father as a child (not spanking, beating, there are parts of his back that he can't feel) I know that he's afraid of hurting her, but that in itself shows me that he's a very different man (in the end I know the worst he'll do to her is take away her car keys)
    Just let your DH know that while you don't think he was trying to hurt your DD, you also worry that maybe he doesn't realize that he is stronger than he thinks and point out the bruise to him.
    heratyc

    Answer by heratyc at 3:14 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • Your husband is a grown man. You have a serious moral, legal and ethical duty to protect your child. What he did is illegal. If I saw a handprint on a child I would call DFCS and the police, and I doubt I am alone. You need to tell him that leaving a mark on a child is criminal child abuse and that you are unwilling to have your child put in foster care. You need to discuss with him a parenting plan that you can both agree to that includes discipline.
    kara_g.

    Answer by kara_g. at 3:17 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • My husband doesn't know his own strength and I made a point to let him know that we need to calm down and take a few breaths and count to 10 before spanking because schools and dr's offices, day cares etc are required to report any suspected abuse (it's not illegal to spank your child, it is illegal to leave a bruise, or blood tho I think it is)
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 3:19 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • Discipline - no matter what method you use must be administered when you are calm and in control. You should never ever try to discipline while angry. That's how things like this happen.
    Babylove76

    Answer by Babylove76 at 3:22 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

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