Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Here's my story!

My boyfriend left his wife for me. I know, not real proud, but we couldn't help our feelings. My marriage was bad and him and his wife were more like roommates. Anyways, his 11 year old daughter hates me and refuses to be around me. And if she is , she barely speaks to me. How long do you think it will take for her to come around? Her own mother even told her that she should just get used to daddy having a girlfriend and doing things with us together.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:02 PM on Mar. 30, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • It may never happen. If she is civil toward you, this is as much as you should expect.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 5:05 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • Why do you have to be around when he's with his daughter? Of course she wouldn't like you, you broke up her family!! Let her spend time with her daddy alone, and stay out of the way. You have no reason to be with them during their father/daughter time- you're just his girlfriend
    MicahsMom612

    Answer by MicahsMom612 at 5:06 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • It may not ever happen I'm sorry. Truth is she most likely blames you and thinks your trying to replace her mom.
    hot-mama86

    Answer by hot-mama86 at 5:07 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • You know, she's eleven years old. She's at that age where she sees things for what they are and she may just be angry at the choices you and her father have made. She is probably hurt that he father would do that to her mother. I know from experience because my father cheated on my mother multiple times and I still haven't forgiven him for it. I did however get used to my step mom. It took me almost EIGHT YEARS! Depending on how you interact with her and how her father goes about talking to her about the situation it may vary. You may never have a great relationship with her. All you can do is try to understand where she's coming from and be ready for her to mouth off because if she stays angry it will only get worse as she gets older. Whatever you do though, don't try to act like you are replacing her mother and NEVER say a word about her mom in front of her! For now just be nice and later try some bonding, shopping etc.
    javila

    Answer by javila at 5:08 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • It may or may not ever happen. If you forsee a future with him then be patient, wait it out and she might turn around. If not, then as long as she respects you that's all you can ask of her. I'm a step mom (I did not meet my husband when he was married though) and it took years before his children warmed up to me. But now they love me!
    NJMom2Tyler

    Answer by NJMom2Tyler at 5:10 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • Micahs that was a little mean and uncalled for. The girls dad made a choice to and is just as much to blame even more so. The dad left and all his girl friend wants is acceptance from the most important thing in his life. Which is completely understandable.
    hot-mama86

    Answer by hot-mama86 at 5:11 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • Honanstly you are not married to him so why do you have to spend time with her let her just be with her dad and she is old enough to know what happend and in her eyes you took her dad away and messed up her family!! She might not ever exept you and you might have to just get used to that!
    scaredmommy08

    Answer by scaredmommy08 at 5:12 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • Yeah she's not going to like you for a really long time, and can you blame her? She's not going to understand what her parent went through until she's an adult.
    alismommy2

    Answer by alismommy2 at 5:48 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • There is not much you can do. She most likely blames you for her current set of circumstances. I would not push. This is a tender age. I would let your boyfriend have his time with her and stay out of it for now or you might make it worse. Children are the innocent victims in things like this. They, out of all people are entitled to their feelings.  Their feelings are the ones that should have been considered when toying with the idea of an affair.

    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 6:10 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN