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Should a 10 year old girl who never has met her real dad, who thinks someone else is her dad, be told the truth???

The bio dad has always paid support. mom says no, bio dad says he wants visitation??? dad who has always been there wants to adopt

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:09 PM on Mar. 30, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • She should have been told who her real dad was a long time ago. That is just setting her up for emotional and trust issues later on in life.
    Regardless of who has been a real dad (ie-there for her physically), he's not really her dad. Start with supervised visits, Real dad should be able to see his child.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:10 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • and is she old enough to decide if she wants to meet him after she does know the truth, or should it be mandated supervised visits??
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:10 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • So you've been taking his money, but pretending he doesn't exist?
    Avarah

    Answer by Avarah at 11:32 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • wow thats kinda f;ed up that hes paying support but she doesnt at least know her dad isnt her bio dad. i dont know this guy maybe hes a drug addict or unfit parent but i think if hes paying support his daughter should at least know... if you can get biodad to relinquish his rights then the man who raised her can adopt but if hes paying support and wont give his rights up then the man who raised her cant
    aliciatron

    Answer by aliciatron at 11:43 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • I have a friend is this situation. 1st thing is you need to talk it over with the one who she thinks is the dad. 2 nd thing is decide whether or not she is ready, and if you are. 3 rd thing talk to the real father and make sure every one involved can be civil. 4th pick your approach do you want to introduce him gradually which I believe is best or would you like to just say here he is. And make sure every one is on board and will follow the idea. 5 th and finally follow through with the plan. If you do let her know these steps should help. As for whether or not she should know I can't say with out more detail. Now after she does know it should be her choice in seeing him. Also though you must know this decision will influence every one not just your daughter be prepared. I hope this helps any thing else let me know. And avarah that's not called for you don't have any idea why the kid doesn't know, and do not have the full stor
    hot-mama86

    Answer by hot-mama86 at 11:44 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • so you shouldn't judge off this post alone.
    hot-mama86

    Answer by hot-mama86 at 11:44 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • This is a toughy. You know your daughter better than anyone so I think you already have an answer and you are looking for some validation. If you think she can handle the truth then I think you should tell her. He may not have been there physically, but he has been responsible. People change and grow up so I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt. If you do decide to tell her, take your time. Make sure he understands that this is a delicate situation and he needs to respect that. Let her control the level of involvement he has in her life.
    Lilbeamercomin

    Answer by Lilbeamercomin at 11:57 PM on Mar. 30, 2009

  • Avarah makes a good point, but does the bio dad do drugs or is he a heavy drinker (things like that) if so then I'd say keep him out 4 her sake but if he doesn't do stuff like that then I think maybe he deserves a chance if he really wants to be in her life, idk him so really only u can truly decide, good luck I know u'll do what's right for your daughter
    Red_Mama0723

    Answer by Red_Mama0723 at 12:27 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • "hot-mama" - If the guy's in jail or a drug addict, you tell your daughter, 'Hey, your dad's done some bad things and made some bad choices, so he's not here to be in your life, but he cares enough to take care of you as much as he can, so he always makes sure he pays your child support."

    That lets a kid know that her dad, though sucky, still cares as much as possible. You don't pretend he doesn't exist, lie to her and allow her to believe some other guy is her dad.

    You do that and you end up with THIS situation. THIS situation in which now, not only is her dad a waste of oxygen but now her mother and her "dad" have been lying to her for 10 years, thus completely removing any trace of security this girl could have felt in her family.
    Avarah

    Answer by Avarah at 12:38 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I knew a girl in a similar situation where she was afraid to tell her daughter that the man she thought was her father really wasn't. The kid took it very well, but the real father wasn't in the picture at all.
    Silvertears1275

    Answer by Silvertears1275 at 12:43 AM on Mar. 31, 2009