Another question got me thinking about this. Here's my situation: I got pregnant when I was 18. The father is a real piece of work, we dated on and off for 3.5 years, he left me when I wouldn't have an abortion. He hasn't been around at all since she was 2 months old. When she was 6 months, I started dating an old friend of mine. We got married when she was two. He will be adopting her this summer. Biological father was ordered to pay child support, and should hopefully start paying soon. He'll be paying back support for a looonnggg time. She doesn't know him at all. (She's only 3 now.) My hubby has always been her dad.
A part of me doesn't ever want to tell her, I mean he didn't want her, he wanted me to abort her. I'm sure I'll eventually need to tell her. But when? What do you think?
Answer by AnnaMac at 4:06 AM on Mar. 31, 2009
Answer by MamaChamp at 4:11 AM on Mar. 31, 2009
Answer by MommyAddie at 5:23 AM on Mar. 31, 2009
Answer by AKTMOTHER at 5:34 AM on Mar. 31, 2009
Answer by AngieCate at 5:39 AM on Mar. 31, 2009
Tell her what is age appropriate. Right now, nothing really is. My mom dropped the bomb on me at around age 14 or 15. She had lied totally to me. I met my dad at age 36. I think my dad's first thing was--"get an abortion" at least that is what my mom said. He may very well have said that. Time, and forgiveness makes people different. You and your child are lucky she has your husband as a father figure. This other man may not be important to you, but in the future he may be to her. So be open, honest, and in the least have him pay support. What about her other family from that side? They may want to know her. You are the mom, you make the hard choices, but when she is old enough to begin making her own she will be much better off having known the truth. She does not need to know it all, but don't lie or keep it from her, because when it comes out-and it will-it won't be good for your relationship.
Answer by Teachermom01 at 6:39 AM on Mar. 31, 2009
Answer by LoveMyDog at 7:37 AM on Mar. 31, 2009
Answer by mdt709 at 7:48 AM on Mar. 31, 2009
Answer by pagirl71 at 8:01 AM on Mar. 31, 2009
My 9 yr old knows her step dad isn't her real Dad, but he is "The Dad". He's been in her life since she was 3. She calls him Dad and there is definitely a bond there that can't be broken. Him and I have actually been divorced for 2 yrs now and he is still around and still spends time with her often! She's never met her bio-father (only as a baby which she doesn't remember), and she is totally fine with her "Dad" she has. They are inseparable and I don't think she'd have it any other way.
Answer by Anonymous at 8:14 AM on Mar. 31, 2009