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house wives i need your opoinoins

okay so me and my husband have been married for 4 years and i got pregnant 5 monthes ago and due to being on bed rest i got laid off. so i decided i would be a stay at home mom, my husband claims i do nothing for our income and when i tell him to go pay for a butler that has sex with him cleans after him oh and is willing to have his children and cook for him he argues that he pays for the food the bills and the cleaning supplys, at this point im ready to take a vacatoin and let him toil in his own disgustingness maybe go stay with my mom for a while so he can see just how much i actully due around the house when im not bed ridden,

i guess my quistoin is does anyone eles ever feel like this? like they are just being used or are under appertiated? or maybe they married the wrong man and the right one is out there right now looking for them? please comment how you deal with this or advise. sorry about the spelling

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:57 AM on Mar. 31, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • i feel like that right now and I am at a total lose of what to do about it. I keep trying to talk to my hubby but he argues that he does so much with working and then comes home and helps cook and clean and helps with our 15month old son which he doesnt. He cooks whether or not I eat and he works thats it. I wonder sometimes too if I jumped the gun with marrying and I possibly married the wrong guy but in the end I do still love him and I had a child with him and that is why I will take some of his crap. Men are just like that I guess. Some are tidy but most are slobs that just bring home the bacon. Just keep some good friends you can talk to close so you can vent. Idont get to vent cause I have no friends its too hard sometimes. Try to talk to hubby if possible as well. GL hun. Here to talk more if you need to.
    Bugsmommy1908

    Answer by Bugsmommy1908 at 5:27 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • My mom and dad argued over the same thing when i was younger... so she quit doing things for him. She didn't do his laundry, cook his food, wash his dishes, or clean anything he used. She wouldn't let him touch her. All she did was clean up after herself. Us kids weren't even allowed to do anything he asked us to. Which we didn't mind at all :)

    Needless to say... the house was disgusting after a few days and he was apologizing and begging her to go back to normal. He never bothered to stop and thank her for anything she did... but he didn't bitch anymore.
    emmetsmom09

    Answer by emmetsmom09 at 5:35 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I just joined cafemom. Sorry to say it's not a piece of cake being a stay-at-home mom. Love taking care of our child but clashing with hubby has taken a toll on me. He has had his own ideas of how I should be running the house. Yes, I feel like I'm taken for granted. I'm going on 16yrs married to my hubby and I've been a stay at home mom for 6 yrs. My self esteem has been down . It helped when I was in a mom's club just to have support. Good luck! My husband keeps saying he would change places with me in a heartbeat but I don't think he realizes how much more demanding it is trying to please a husband who thinks he knows it all. Hang in there!
    MommabearGrr

    Answer by MommabearGrr at 5:36 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • i had the same problem in a way my df thought coz i'm a sahm for the last 3 years that the house and all the rest of the crap are my responsibility....so i said ok then move out if all this crap is my responsibility i don't need you here adding to my workload i already have 3 kids to look after, even though your 30 you don't know where the dishwasher laundry basket etc are and i don't have time to teach another kid all the basics, he was shocked and said he didn't want to do it so i said right then you need to grow up realise that you also make a mess and live in this house and that its everyones responsibilty to help keep the house nice ..either that or go back to your mammy..needless to say he stayed and changed his attitude
    dee778

    Answer by dee778 at 6:22 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • Those of you that have hubbby's that help are very ver lucky. Even when I came home from hospital from having babies or recently from serious blood infection, I got zero help from my hubby. I was lucky tho after the recent thing tho, I had a friend that came t help me. They think that we don't do much all day long, because it's always or usually done when they get home. My hubby does the "you wanna switch jobs for a day?" thing all the time too. Mine has some really great days of shopping and spending time with friends but when the kids puke or have explosive diareah, running a fever, spills, hungry, thirsty, and anything else they might need or want... no dang time card I can punch out on. I want a friggin time card too! Sometimes you have to stop doing all of the things you do to remind them what all are doing for the house/family. I'm ashamed of my own house right now, but life will go on, even in this mess lol
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 7:22 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • there are alot of women like you, and i agree with 09 when my dh "joked" what do u do all day i was upset i was careing for 4 kids 2 from his x wife my bio daughter and our son so i said fine you can see what i do. and i stoped doing it, no cleaning up after kids no laundry no dishes no dinner. he came home to match box cars all over the floor toys every were the girls room was a mess and when he came home i was reading. and i said this is what i did all day ( besides maken food for kids ) he had no socks underwear lol. i did this foe 3 days he got my point yeah i had a huge mess to deal with at the end but he got my point. now he knows what i do and says im the glue to this family and without me everyone would fall apart. he didnt like me going on strike. once in a while he drifts off again and all i have to say is fine strike.. and hes all sooo sorry.
    tabbys4

    Answer by tabbys4 at 8:18 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I'm sorry I don't feel that way. Did you decide by yourself to be a stay-at-home Mom? Maybe your hubby would have liked some say. I think it's a decision you both should make. We made the decision together. I told DH that I would probably feel like I wasn't contributing financially and he said that taking care of the kids, cleaning and maintaining the finances was contribution enough. So not all men feel that way. Back to what I said originally, maybe he doesn't want you as a stay-at-home Mom. Maybe you guys should sit down and talk about it. After you have the baby and it's old enough if he really wants it and you are ok with it, go back to work.

    Navymama

    Answer by Navymama at 9:27 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I am a stay at home mom and I often feel underappreciated. My hubby has never said that it's HIS money or anything like that, but if I were him I would probably feel that way. I feel like people think I sit around all day and do nothing. Even my kids have said "Well, it's not like you work!" It's very easy to fall into a depression when you feel taken advantage of and have little outside adult interaction. I try to do things that my hubby and kids appreciate like keeping a clean house and doing laundry daily and things that everyone can see that I've done. Sometimes it helps if I do my hair and put on make up. It makes me feel better about myself.
    Maybe you could babysit or do a little something to bring in a small amount of money. It might be worth the aggravation just for the peace of mind. Hope this helps! Hang in there!
    twinmom5253

    Answer by twinmom5253 at 9:27 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I also sometimes wonder if there is another man out there that could make me happier. We met when I was 16 and he was 19. I fell in love with him very quickly and pursued him mercilessly. We broke up several times over our dating years, but I always called him to get back together. I feel like I practically had to beg him to marry me. We did marry when I was 21 and my twins came the following year. I was always in such a hurry to grow up and "play house" and now I wish I would've dated other men and seen who's out there. My husband is very helpful around the house, with the kids, etc.. which I'm totally grateful for and I know I'm lucky in that regard. But, my husband is kind of cold-hearted. He rarely tells me he loves me, doesn't hold my hand or ever snuggle with me. Emotionally I sometimes feel like we are miles apart. I would love to be a woman who truly feels cherised by her husband.
    twinmom5253

    Answer by twinmom5253 at 9:35 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I am a stay at home mom myself. Sometimes i feel like a maid but then I realize what my husband does to provide for his family. Its really hard to make ends meet on one income. I am looking for a job to help my husband but its very hard with the way the economy is now a days. We havent had much luck with reliable babysitters eaither. I dont ask my husband for help around the house becuase he is out everyday working so our family has a roof over our head. There is times i would like the help from him but I just do it myself it saves from the arguments and fights. I just asume do it myself so that way i know its done right.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:20 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

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