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For the military spouses... please help if this relates to you!

If your husband deployed, did you find that he returned with PTSD? When did it show up and how did you know? I'm worried that my husband is showing signs of it. He used to be so close to my son (his stepson) and now my son can do nothing right! We have a new baby and yesterday they were joking around while he was holding the baby and my son pulled on his arm or something and he snapped that if he did that again he'd snap his f* neck! I told him after everybody was in bed that I would not tolerate him treating my son that way and that he is only a little boy and doesn't deserve that. He responded that he had told him several times and what if he had dropped the baby and it had broken it's neck? I told him that would have been a different situation, but either way he is a little boy! I'm thinking of telling him that he needs help and I'm here, but if he isn't going to get help we need some time apart. Anybody been through this?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:32 AM on Mar. 31, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • From having family members go through PTSD being an ass is definatley NOT a sign. KUDOS to you for telling him to back off. Keep that up!! Do NOT let him nor any man treat your son in such manner. Let your hubby know you love him and remind him of the relationship he used to have with your son. Remind him that you need him to be the gental father he was before he left. Many people suffer from PTSD but he would really be displaying other signs as well not just being mean to the little one. Reassure him you love him but it is yours and his job to protect and set a good example for the children and using harsh language as a disipline tool is not one of them. Nor is raising a hand when you get frustrated. Good luck Mama, keep up the good work.
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 11:01 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • hmmm... well Im not a military wife, but I have seen in a marriage were the husband changes and is different to a stepchild when they have a new child of their own. I think perhaps that your husband is now so rapped in his new son that he doesnt pay mush attention to your son and perhaps may not care for him as much anymore... If thats the case I would ask him if he feels that way and if so, he needs to work on that... If thats not the case then I would suggest getting your husband help for ptsd.
    soonmommyof3

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 8:45 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • PTSD has more signs than just being snippy, like: nightmares, avoidance of people & places, lack of positive emotions, not sleeping or sleeping too much, sudden dependence on alcohol or drugs. He might be stressed at work, tired from bringing a new baby home or just readjusting. All you can do is talk to him, don't tell him he's crazy or threaten to leave. Just that you want him to be more gentle and work on his attitude and tone. Research PTSD and if he has more symptoms/signs ask him to get help...or talk to his command--but be prepared for the consequences of going there.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:48 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • I think the snappiness with the older sibling is sometimes normal. It may not be the right thing to do, but I've done that (not said it like that" but I have yelled or rudely said something like "if you make me drop this baby by doing that I'm going to beat your butt!". The language I'm sure he picked up over there.... you have to keep in mind he's not been living with kids over there, and in a lot of places the kids are used for horrible things and you're on your guard when they're around war zones. Sad but true.
    How long's he been home? When he's holding the baby, maybe you could do some one on one time with the older child, and when hubby isn't around, show him how to approach you properly when someone is holding a baby so that an accident doesn't happen.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 9:47 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • He can get counseling through the military for that. And both of you can get counseling through Military One Source. It sounds like he is having trouble adjusting to life at home thats how my husband was when he came home from Iraq. I wouldn't listen to PP #1, seriously doubt his problems are about the kids.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 10:23 AM on Mar. 31, 2009

  • Please start by getting yourself some help to understand if it is what you think it may be. Then you know how to proceed with him. ALSO---involve your son because he is at the age that he needs the "dad' in his life and doesn't need to feel like he has been thrown from the bus.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:44 AM on Mar. 31, 2009